某著名高中的学生英语作文，想听听大家的意见
我感觉模板印记很重，这种作文大家怎么看？什么水平？高中孩子写成这样，大家认为如何？ 拼写错误？burings这篇文章，中国一般的英语老师批的话应该会打高分，因为这就是他们希望把孩子训练成的样子。 太模糊了！ 从写作深度，和用词来说都太浅了，相当于英语国家小学一年级水平。用词还好理解，毕竟不是母语，但是写作思路太简单，根本不符合高中水准。
要点评英语作文，我觉得论坛上绝大多数的ID都没有这个能力。
想想我们读高中，哪写过英语作文，从这点上看，这么多年的英语教学还是进步很大了。
以我一般的概念，我觉得用中文思考出来的作文，西人老师多半评价不高，当然，我也无从评价别人的英语作文，甚至我觉得学校的英语老师也未见得评价到位，英语的写作水平，还是得母语的老师来看。 本帖最后由 charlenedavid 于 2017-1-22 08:40 编辑
我对英文作文一直不敢点评，完全没概念，自己能看得懂的往往是老外觉得写得很有问题的作文，嘿嘿。 看了下，模版作文嘛。好多套路。对付中国考试可以了。
字写的不错 完全同意charlenedavid的看法。阅读语法这些中国老师可以搞搞，但英语的写作和口语要想真正提高，必须母语老师。
否则就像一个美国人学习中文写作，却请个法国人教一样，会闹笑话的 http://www.ebama.net/thread-138031-1-1.html
要想有资源，没有爸妈网上没有的。 模式化写作的典范。应付国内考试而已 字写的很好，能写不错了:loveliness: 写得好规则 好厉害,我大学6级的作文都没这么多字:D 本帖最后由 coolwater 于 2017-1-22 10:43 编辑
一篇中学作文而已，怎么没有能力点评？那么我们在国外的中国家长还怎么辅导孩子？{:1_1:}
不要迷信母语的人。最简单的解释：不是所有中国人都能写出好的中文文章的，大部分人都不能吧。同理，不要以为所有的英语母语的人指导起作文都比中国人(老师）强。我在这里强调的不是一般人，就算是老师也不一定都好。比如我们认识的一个孩子的老师给学生写的感谢卡，都是不通的。
这篇文章（清楚的部分）最大的问题是思维与结构。作为高中生，思维深度不够。语言简单了点儿，但不是大问题。字写得很漂亮。如果有兴趣，可以看看这个学生的中文作文，就知道是对opinion writing这种形式的作文的结构掌握的不好还是英文水平没有到，表达不出来。 我的感觉是中文作文也不会太好。（当然，如果老师就要求这么简单的写那就是另一回事了：我以前问过一个高一的学生为啥写的怎么简单，思维像一年级的小朋友，他说老师不让，怕写多了出错误太多）。
这种opinion writing 我们家四年级的孩子在学：要求有三个论据来支持大的论点。每个论据里面还要有三个到四个facts去支持。比如：我喜欢icecream; 我认为动物园的存在是必要的（不应该的）等等。
比我写的好;P 不知道中国的高中生用中文能写出什么高度或者深度来！ 悄悄说一句，雅思，托福写作也是有套路的，国外考试的写作也有不丢分，少丢分的套路..... 学习了 ！！！！！ 文章表现一个人的志、趣、能。
如果非要评价的话，一个在压倒性的环境中，被迫畏手畏脚去追求安全感至上的人，达到的高度与能力，能和一个忘我追求自我实现的人——他身上的能量，相比吗？ @feilongzaitian @coolwater 我觉得大家有必要真正接触一下现在的高中生，别管成绩好的，成绩差的。 阿春1008 发表于 2017-1-22 14:00
不知道中国的高中生用中文能写出什么高度或者深度来！
说明一个问题，如果母语都没有广度和深度，外语就无从谈起。
我贴一篇我儿子9年级写的作文，说实话，我很难评价好与不好，我没这个能力。儿子的英语不算那种很优秀的，但还可以吧。
Merchant of Venice Shakespeare has written many great and classical plays throughout his lifetime.Many of them were adapted into films, including his comedy play The Merchant of Venice.Michael Radford produced the 2004 feature film The Merchant of Venice in Venice, Italy.The film vividly describes the relationship between the Jews and Christians, endorses the dangers of ambition and shows the power of true friendship.After viewing the film, my attitudes towards each character changed and I received a deeper understanding of the play. The film presented many dominate images.One that most stood out to me was the image of Shylock being locked out from his Jewish community.Shylock was portrayed as a villain in both the film and the play; he is seen as a man of vengeful and materialism.However, at this moment of the film, all I could see was a powerless man who lost his daughter, money and religion.All my hatred towards Shylock disappeared without a trace, and all that came to mind was sympathy towards this poor man. Another dominate image that stood out to me was the cutting of the pound of flesh.Shylock is seen with a knife merely millimeters apart from Antonio’s heart, sweat is dripping down from Antonio’s chest and the crowd is as silent as a graveyard.With the tense and fast paste music in the background, there is no reason to deny why this scene is the most nerve-racking scene in the film.Personally, I was up my toes the whole time watching the scene.However, after finishing the film, I had a deeper understanding of true friendship.Antonio is willing to give up his life for Bassanio. But in doing so, Antonio has received nothing.I often question why Antonio would go to that extent, but maybe that is why true friendship can conquer death, as seen in the film. As with all films, acting plays a huge part in how good the film is.Overall, the acting of The Merchant of Venice was excellent.I especially liked the acting of Al Pacino (Shylock) and Joseph Fiennes (Bassanio).Pacino presented us a vengeful and cold blooded Shylock. In the trial scene, Pacino expressed his anger at the unfairness towards Jews very well. Pacino even made me sympathize this cold hearted demon because of his speech of equality.Furthermore, after being cheated out of his bond, Pacino did a great job of showing his disbelief and despair, which made me sympathize Shylock even more.Apart from Pacino’s acting, I also liked Joseph Fiennes’s acting.From his despise to Antonio signing the bond to his anger at Shylock for hurting his friend, I saw the true meaning of friendship.Furthermore, from his happy facial expressions at choosing the right casket, Fiennes showed how hard it was for Bassanio and Portia to be together, and that two lovers cannot be stopped, no matter what the circumstance is.To conclude, the acting from The Merchant of Venice was helpful to see each character’s thoughts and helped me obtain a deeper understanding of the play. In the film The Merchant of Venice, one change that was made was the additional scene of Jessica touching her ring and looking at a far away fisherman.Personally, I really enjoyed this scene, and I think it added a lot of suspense to the film.After everyone exchanged rings, we are left with Jessica.Although Jessica is finally with Lorenzo, the process of the elopement was not easy.As the couples get to take their well deserved break, Jessica is clearly in deep thought and is troubled.Even though she did not clarify the reasoning to her troublesome, the viewers can tell that she is worried about Shylock.No matter how bad a father Shylock was, he is still Jessica’s blood related father, and Jessica still cares for him.After hearing the news that Shylock lost his trial, Jessica will no doubt be worried about his father, and as seen in the film, she walks by a lake staring mindlessly at a far away fisherman.Furthermore, this scene shows that Jessica did not trade her ring for a monkey as told by tubal.Although this might seem as a minor detail, by clearing this misconception, it changed my opinion of Jessica. At the start of the film, Jessica abandoned Shylock and took his jewels with her to elope with Lorenzo, which made me think of her as a selfish and self centered person, after seeing scene, it made me happy to see that Jessica actually cares about her father.Overall, this additional scene had a positive effect on me by adding suspense and providing a happy ending. In conclusion, I really enjoyed watching the film The Merchant of Venice.Being able to see each actor’s facial expressions and reactions helped me understand certain parts of the play better, helping me achieve an overall deeper understanding.By watching the film, I know the consequences of ambitious acts and that true friendship will obtain justice.I also know that Shylock is not entirely evil as many would say, the reasoning behind his immoral acts were because of how the venetians mistreated and discriminated against him.Therefore, his punishment is not fair, and he should get a second chance.The film can also be related to our lives, as seen in the film, by being kind and giving to others, when you are in need, people will also be willing to help you.However, if you are ambitious and cold hearted, nothing good will happen to you.
再贴一篇儿子9年级作文
To Kill a Mockingbird – Metaphor Essay A tall and sturdy tree stands strong on an isolated hill, shrugging off the pounding rain and snow as if the rain were merely a pat on a shoulder.This description relies on figurative language, and authors often compare strong willed and determined characters, using metaphors in order to reveal their important traits.In her novel To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee vividly presents Atticus Finch, one of the novel’s protagonists, as a man of wisdom and integrity.Readers can also employ metaphors to analyze a character more fully.If Atticus Finch were an object in nature, he would be a tree because of his calmness, willingness to give, and strength of identity. One important characteristic that Atticus and trees both share is their calmness.Trees are calm because they are motionless.No matter what the circumstance is, whether it is a flock of birds resting on a branch or an incoming storm, trees can always maintain their straight and calm “posture”.Similar to a tree, Atticus is also calm and he demonstrates it through the novel.One example is the Tom Robinson case.Atticus knew from the start of taking the case, it was not likely to succeed.He even told uncle Jack: “’It couldn’t be much worse, Jack.The only thing we’ve got is a black man’s word against the Ewells’.The evidence boils down to you-did – I didn’t.The jury couldn’t possibly be expected to take Tom Robinson’s word against the Ewells’’” (Lee 88).Yet Atticus was able to keep his straight face in such an underwhelming situation, and tried his best to prove Tom Robinson’s innocence.Furthermore, during the trial of Tom Robinson, while facing hundreds of critics and angry citizens, Atticus did not show a hint of nervousness or fear.At a situation where many people would crumble down with nervousness, Atticus was able to keep his cool and continue the trial as if he had it all under control: “Slowly but surely, I began to see the pattern of Atticus’s questions: from questions that Mr. Gilmer did not dream sufficiently irrelevant or immaterial to object to, Atticus was quietly building up before the jury a picture of the Ewells home life” (Lee 182).Atticus was able to stay calm throughout the trial and use his intelligence to bring out the Ewell’s false story.Another example of Atticus’s calmness is how he dealt with Bob Ewell’s threats.After the trial, Bob Ewell acted immaturely and spat on Atticus for defending Tom Robinson.However, Atticus did not show any signs of anger and humorously remarked: “‘I wish Bob Ewell wouldn’t chew tobacco’” (Lee 217).Atticus even explained to Jem and Scout the reasoning behind Bob Ewell’s actions.In conclusion, Atticus and a tree both showed their calmness by being able to face difficulties and challenges. Another characteristic that Atticus and a tree both share is their willingness to give.Trees are one of the main sources of oxygen.Without trees, humans would not be able to inhabit this planet.Yet, not only do we humans not appreciate what trees have provided for us, we cut down 3 billion – 6 billion trees every year (Ram).Just like a tree, Atticus’s justice and well mannered acts are also not appreciated. Atticus accepted the Tom Robinson case with intentions of justice and equality. However the citizens of Maycomb only saw the part of Atticus defending a colored man and criticized him throughout the novel. Even Walter Cunningham, a client of Atticus’s, who received Atticus’s help and generosity, decided to back stab him for defending Tom Robinson. In fact, many citizens also called Atticus a “niger lover” for accomplishing something they are too afraid to do. Francais Hanlock – Atticus’s nephew said to Scout: “‘If Uncle Atticus lets you run around with stray dogs, that’s his own business, like Grandma says, so it ain’t your fault.I guess it aint your fault if Atticus is a nigger lover...’” (Lee 83).However, Atticus never said a word of regret or anger because he believes what he is doing is right.This is exactly what Miss. Maudie stated: “‘there are some men in this world who were born to do our unpleasant jobs for us.Your father's one of them’“(Lee 215).Atticus was the man who did the unpleasant job for Maycomb County, yet he was willing to make sacrifices for the benefits of the Maycomb citizens.In brief, Atticus and a tree both are both willing to give, because they make self sacrifices for the good of people around them. Finally, apart from being calm and willing to give, Atticus and a tree also share a strong identity.Trees have roots that go up to 10 meters (Urban) and they can stay rooted to the ground during violent windstorms and rain.Trees can also survive harsh weather and climate changes.Similar to a tree, Atticus is also strong.First of all, Atticus showed his strong will by taking on the Tom Robinson case in a society where racism and discrimination is everywhere.Furthermore, during the period where Atticus took the case, Atticus revieved many threats and criticism, Maycomb farmers surprisingly formed a mob against him. Yet Atticus ignored them and continued to do what he believes is right, even if it means standing up to society.In addition to being strong minded, Atticus is also strong on the outside.In the scene of the mad dog, Atticus surprised everyone by showing how great a shooter he is.No one expected Atticus to be a man with such a hidden talent, they thought of him as just a book smart person.Yet Atticus’s precision and skillfulness with a rifle: “With movements so swift they seemed simultaneous…” (Lee 96), Proved the Maycomb citizens wrong.Overall Atticus’s strong mind and talents show that he is strong like a tree.To conclude, Atticus is like a tree because of his calmness, willingness to give and his strong will.By comparing Atticus to a tree, readers now have a deeper understanding of his character traits and roles in the story.Harper Lee portrayed Atticus the man to do the unpleasant job in To Kill a Mockingbird, yet while “soaking up” all the “rain and snow” for the citizens of Maycomb, Atticus did not forget his role of a loving and caring father to Jem and Scout.Through the character of Atticus, Harper Lee showed readers an example of an honourable man.Lee also showed us that being courageous and standing up to your beliefs will earn the respect of other people in the end.In this modern society where many man are too afraid to stand up to the rules of society, Lee presented Atticus Finch, a role model to this modern world. 我觉得先不谈思想要多深，我觉得最起码要语句通顺，是别人一看就能明白的，其实对于第二语言来说，最难的就是这个通顺二字，这是需要时间和努力来换取的，像“我喝饭，我吃水”这样的表达，即便思想再有深度，也不行啊！
所以，我比较看重的是通顺，当然，通顺对于本地学生标准来说，是基本的，光有通顺，也不能算是一篇好作文。 作为中国人的父母，要评价英语是否通顺，这就是一拦路虎，且不去谈深度了。
这也是我实事求是地一直明白自己没有能力去评价孩子作文写得如何。 那么我也相信一点，即便是国内的英语老师，如果没有大量阅读原版书的背景，也应该没有能力去评价文章是否通顺一说。
国内孩子的英语作文，猛一看都很有思想深度，我们中国学生，写作文非深了不走的，越高度，越深度，那才叫写作文，但如果通顺问题不解决，深度也无用啊！ 受限于字数，比较肤浅缺乏深度，但是扣分会少 想起一件事来，我上ESL时，班上有个男生（中国人），写了一篇“东西文化冲突”，这个题目立意就很高，内容应该是很深的，反正他是写出来了，我也不好说怎么样，但我能看懂，我一直觉得我能看懂的，肯定就不是好作文，呵呵。
我开玩笑跟他说：其实你能通顺表达下你早上起来的流程，干了什么，吃了什么，路上又遇到了什么。。。。这些简单的事，如果能通顺表达好，你英语就已经很好了，越是深度，越能暴露不通顺，当然，简单的事情，也一样能暴露不通顺啦，我意思是我最看重这个通顺了。 本帖最后由 charlenedavid 于 2017-1-23 11:02 编辑
feilongzaitian麻烦您要是再贴一篇母语当地的儿童对于网购的英语作文，对这里的爸妈就更有针对性了。通顺，在高中生这个特别是名校出来的高中生水平上，至少是建立在按照题目要求下有血有肉地有话可说的基础上吧，干巴巴的通顺好吗发表于 1485140217
你这太难为我了，我到哪里去找人家也写同样题目的作文，或者你自己也可以搜索下嘛。
通顺无论干巴巴与否，都是第一要求，湿润润的都是不通顺，绝对还不如干巴巴通顺呢。
另外，你不要小看了通顺，我觉得我们国内孩子如果要写英语作文，通顺是要化大代价去磨的事，深度且放一边。