英文写作小结
热度 6 已有 176 次阅读 2020-1-21 23:23 系统分类:成长记录
半年英文写作小结-042014 (2014-04-20 10:09:08)转载▼
英文写作训练和中式作文差异大。这也是为什么当中国学生最终成为留学生时，发现竟然写不出英美老师要求的作业和论文。闺女还小，慢慢来吧。
上学期末，老师的写作训练是bottom-up的，注重细节。作业比如描写一间房间，要求写出恐怖的氛围和奢华的氛围；描写教堂，一座山巅的教堂和俄罗斯红场上的教堂，结构上可以由远及近、由上到下、由里及外等等。
后来考虑到孩子们会一叶障目，看不到森林，老师又开始top-town，写三段和五段essay。基本都是科学类文章，如北京雾霾。
发现孩子们功力不够，一个段落还写得不紧凑，不会找论据，论据间的起承转合不顺等。又退回到写好一个段落。还是科学类的，火山、venus、细胞、蜜蜂群失调综合症等等。
这些训练，除了很少一些调剂孩子们兴趣的作业，都不是creative writing，而是根据阅读材料中的内容来组织。孩子们不用满天去找写作的素材，上网查也没有什么帮助，当然不能用原文的句子。文章写得好坏，精读理解阅读资料的能力很重要，然后是逻辑组织，结构把握，语言表达。闺女的书面语言和口语有区别，去年写的风格是花哨，今年还不知道。
每篇作业老师都有或多或少的要求，我形容是让她们带着镣铐起舞。最近课堂精读了All summer in a day，老师要求根据这篇科幻文章，仿写文中小男孩到venus后给地球上的奶奶写的一段话或一首诗，情节要根据文章的情节（阅读和写作训练是不分离的），不能完全脱离，要用三种感觉贯穿全文，比如听、看、感。闺女写了一首诗，我觉得挺好，不过没有完全遵守最后一个要求，有三种感觉但没有贯穿全文，也不合格。
最好写的当然是chronological（时间顺序）的编故事，基本没有这样的作业。让孩子们谈谈感受的话也不难写，不用完全深刻理解材料，只要找到其中自己感兴趣的或能写的，怎么也能写出来。我觉得这样的作文在当前的中文作文中比较常见，是我们更重视的文体。我们现在的英文写作作业不是这样的，所以闺女经常是快快写完了，给老师就变成渣渣了，写得不清楚，没把阅读资料读明白，改。要不就是作业中的要求没都做到，还是不行。
放几篇上来。她的英文写作作业基本是猫一次狗一次，碰到喜欢的题材，高兴了，就写得好些；碰上不喜欢的题材，畏难了，对付了，就渣渣了。
（我直接paste了，不管格式了，折腾起来太麻烦）
读Kipling的短篇，然后要求上网找背景资料，用一段话写作者的生平，看的是摘要概括吧：
Joseph Rudyard Kipling, who was a writer, poet and journalist, was born on December 30th in Bombay, British India. The poems he created were remarkable, and so were his novels. Out of his many works, the jungle book is the most well known. In 1907, the Nobel Prize in literature was awarded to Kipling thanks to his unique imagination and talented hand. After some time, he was ill and was swiftly sent to the Middlesex Hospital, where not long after, he tragically passed away.
描写一个奢华氛围的房间，这个闺女最喜欢，注意最后那只Persian cat，她说是很昂贵的品种：
In the room where the prince and the princess were married, there were long arched windows with magnificent red and gold velvet curtains. Outside the windows, the golden sun was setting with the blue moon ready to rise. Next to the door, there was a Cupid statue. Up on the high and vaulted ceiling, there was a sparkling chandelier with real purple and blue crystals hanging from it. Look down, and you will see the floor made of oak boards. The room was richly furnished. There was a canopy bed made of silver with graceful silk bedding. Beside the bed, there was a vase of blue roses. The desk was also made out of pure silver, and the chair was covered with silk, satin, and velvet. The sofa was lavender with silver threaded stars. The soft wool carpet covered the floor. There was also a cat bed with a pure, long-haired, snow white Persian cat sitting on it.
描写红场上的瓦西里大教堂，由远及近（文字够flowery的吧？）：
Saint Basil’s Cathedral, built by Barma and Postnik Yakovlev on orders from Tsar Ivan the Terrible, was the attraction of Russia, the pride of Russia, and the shock of Russia, a shock so great that Ivan the Terrible, afraid that the architect would build another one similar to this one and greater than this one in another country, another city, blinded the genius.
More than 450 years have passed since the cathedral constructed, yet the glory of it still shines, and will remain shining, until the end of time…
From afar, the colorful castle’s base looked like an icecream cup, multicolored and free-spirited, holding their icecream-shaped peaks for the gods to taste, for the sky to taste.
Close up, the unique castle was a summer wonderland. It’s beautiful base inviting us to come nearer and nearer to look at it and feel it. The base, some walls looked liked a medieval castle’s, while some were shaped like fish scales, was also shocking, although the glory had been placed high up on the peak.
The wonder was unique from the entire city, it bright and cheerful, while the city held it’s usual dark and gloomy look.
The shock, the pride, and the wonder of Russia, was the cause of one man’s blinding, but was the profit of Russia, for each year, travelers journey to Russia just to see the wondrous St. Basil’s Cathedral.
描写科学发现的essay，要求结构中有一段科学背景的介绍：
Johannes Kepler, a university student in the 1590s, had a teacher that was a follower of Copernicus.
Back then, there were two kinds of theories about the placement of the universe, Copernicus’ and the geocentric world view. Copernicus said the sun was the center of the solar system. The Geocentric world view stated that the earth was at the center of the system. Although Copernicus was proven right, his theory was still rejected by many people.
Kepler, however, was more interested in finding the mathematical explanation of the movement of Mars than studying the sun. He failed 40 times trying to find the formula that explained Mars’ orbit. He said, “I was almost driven to madness considering and calculating this matter. I could not find out why the planet would rather go on an elliptical orbit.” At last, after struggling with Mars for five whole years, he found the formula. Finally, in 1609, his findings were published in Astronomia Nova. After his victory, he said, “If God is concerned with astronomy, which piety desires to believe, then I hope I shall achieve something in this domain.”
五段essay，北京雾霾及成因，写得渣渣，没讲清楚。她一开始没认真读资料，后来我又给她讲了讲，她还搞不清楚。看似一段一个内容，这已经是二稿了，但一个段落中，论点和论据的关系并不清晰:
Smog
Lately, smog is getting worse and worse. Smog is bad for our health because of all the sulfur dioxide, nitrogen oxides, carbon monoxide and soot in it. When all mix in the air, these “ingredients” create an unhealthy blend called smog. It can be caused by too much coal consuming, too many exports, and too few environmental laws..
China’s pollution is caused mainly by all the countries that make their products in China. Many countries make their products in China because it is cheaper than in his own country. In addition, the cost of building a power plant (needed to manufacture the goods) in China is lower than in wealthier countries.
China’s main energy source is coal. Factories use a lot of it because it is the cheapest in all sources. And since the factories do not do a good job on pollutant emission treatment, smog is created.
China has few environmental laws, and the laws China does have is getting weaker and weaker. Factories now dump all their waste in the air and water, and no one stops them. All the waste evaporates into pollution, which becomes today’s smog.
In conclusion, smog is getting more and more severe in China.
写火山，要求写lava和magma，要求分别写火山里面和外面。渣渣了，里面没写出来。我抱怨白带她假期看火山了，老师安慰我，你又没带她钻到火山里面：
A volcano, made of lava and magma, if to explode, can be very hot. Lava, the reason of the heat, is a fire like fluid. After flowing for some distance, it eventually cools and solidifies. Lava looks like cherry flavored Gatorade, only much hotter. The word derives from the Italian word lavare, which means to wash away.
Magma is the source of the eruption. If magma is charged with additional magma, or squeezed by local stress, magma might explode and cause an eruption. However, if can also remain still for long periods of time.
Inside the volcano, there’s a conduit, ash, lava, sill, a main vent, and a branch pipe.
Outside the volcano, there’s a side vent and an ash cloud. The outside of a volcano is rocky. It is greyish black, sometimes coated with lava. It looks like a triangular chocolate cake, coated with strawberry syrup.
一个段落写闪电和山峰的形成，这篇老师说写得好，阅读材料都懂了，段落写得很紧凑：
Two scientists claimed that lighting can sculpt mountains. For instance, many of the rocks seems to be freshly broken. Also, no lichnens are growing on them. A scientist said it was because lighting can create temperatures high enough to incinerate anything growing on a rock. Also, the rocks were harder than other rocks nearby. Finally, the scientists held a compass near the rocks. The rocks have an unusual magnetic field near them, and the nearer they got, the farther the compass moved. The fact that lightning can sculpt mountains is quite believable.
Venus的小诗，没完全遵守老师的要求，闺女自己喜欢鼓捣的东西就是有些小情调，而逻辑思维的清晰强大咱是远比不过同龄人中的佼佼者，后点以后有的是吃亏的时候呢：
Venus
Venus is rainy一
raining for seven years.
Once,
In seven years, comes，
comes,
comes
a hour of brightness.
Kids here,
are not so nice,
nice,
nice.
Kids here,
have been on Venus,
Venus,
Venus
all their lives.
I come,
come,
come
from earth.
The rain is salty,
The rain is blue,
The rain is clawing at our shades.
I despise the rain,
the sound of it trickling down the shades一
Plack-plack-plick-plack.
The sun is about to shine—
A hour of brightness.
I love,
love,
love
the sun,
though it shines,
shines,
shines
for only one hour.
