[其他] 闺女英语练笔建楼,欢迎指正

本帖最后由 tombaba 于 2014-3-16 09:17 编辑

我家闺女开始练习写作了.请大家指正.
备考FCE中....

2014/3/10
The sky is azure, a few birds sing happily across the sky. The breeze brushes through my cheek. Trees sway gently in the breeze. Flowers burst into blooms. The sun illuminates every corner of the land. I sigh gracefully; it’s going to be a wonderful day. I can’t wait to open the door of my heart!

2014/3/16

We have finished the bulletin. Wow! Justimagine how beautiful it is! Everybody’s essay has been put on the bulletin andI have drawn a number of flower and animals. Beside the essays, there two sprayof dandelions, a breeze blow past, and appears so many tiny dandelions. It’s sogreat!

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yaer2002cn

2014-3-10 11:11:14 使用道具

俺看不懂，也先给个赞

txblx

2014-3-10 11:21:38 使用道具

写的不错，加油！

妞妞妈妈2007

2014-3-10 11:28:38 使用道具

好棒啊，后生可畏！加油！

/tp橘子

2014-3-10 11:29:34 使用道具

加油哦越来越棒

妮妮之妈妈

2014-3-10 11:56:32 使用道具

真心棒，赞一个！

qqz33

2014-3-10 12:06:10 使用道具

向你家小朋友学习！

lintao915

2014-3-10 12:12:09 使用道具

写的不错呢，还用了不少大词。如果要仔细挑错的话，个人意见：

The sky is azure, a few birds sing happily across the sky.
sing across the sky. 似乎语义不通，sing in the sky。而且如果要表达穿越空间，似乎用through较好。另外2个the sky 重复，最好用从句或者代词来避免。

The breeze brushes through my cheek.
brush the check？刷脸啊？blow比较好吧。

Trees sway gently in the breeze. 又是两个breeze重复了

Flowers burst into blooms. burst into bloom是固定搭配，不用复数。

I sigh gracefully;这句的意思有些不通，优雅地叹息？是不是想说gratefully?但gratefully和sigh也不怎么能够搭配。

it’s going to be a wonderful day. 改成What a wonder day是不是好些。

I can’t wait to open the door of my heart!
什么叫打开心门？open my heart and embarce ....是不是比较好些

lintao915于2014-3-10 12:13补充以下内容：
另外，这个写的有点像诗歌，难度是不是大了些。如果写些比较朴实的文体，是不是更容易上手些。