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2014-07-02

[作文展示] 小小作文，每周共写第一期--重要的日子

本帖最后由 ellenvision 于 2014-7-2 15:12 编辑

孩子写作没兴趣怎么办？
拿到命题不知道如何开展怎么办？
写的文章全是口水文怎么办？

爸爸妈妈都有这样的困惑，特别是在经历过一些备考过程后，我发现孩子除了闷头做题，没有特别好的交流氛围。

同样的话题，要是能看看别人是如何发挥，如何想象，如何创作的，会有很大的借鉴意义。
同样的话题，如果约几个好朋友一起共写，孩子们的写作兴趣也许会更高一些。

所以，暑期将至，我们约了一些小朋友，办这样一个活动:每周定一个主题，大家一起写同一个主题，然后一起回复集中到一个贴子下，互相交流批改。

第一期活动主题：
your story must begin with this sentence.-----I woke up knowing it was the most important day of my life.

可以写真实发生的事情，也可以写想象的故事。
想想这天为什么重要，它对你人生的意义有什么改变，你要去做什么“惊天动地“的事情？

——————————————————————————
活动细节：

１，写作主题设计：主题尽量是半开放式的，这样可以最大限度的鼓励孩子展开丰富的联想。

２，文章篇幅：文章不要求太长，100-200词即可。这样的篇幅一般的小朋友十几分钟就可以完成。一来不会给小朋友过大的负担，让他们有坚持下去的兴趣。二来在有限的字数内能把一件事情讲精彩也是一种能力。

３，小童要求：对于年龄小的，拼写有障碍的孩子，可以孩子口述，爸爸妈妈帮助记录。可以有图画做辅助。

４，交流学习：活动期间大家可以看看贴子中别的小朋友对于同样的主题是如何发挥表达的，学习他们行文和思想的精华，这样能更好的起到交流学习的目的。而不是你写你的，我写我。

５，欢迎加入：非常欢迎更多对活动有兴趣的小朋友们加入到我们的每周共写的活动中来。

６，多提意见：发到爸妈网的目的是因为这里有许许多多乐于分享，愿意帮助孩子们的爸爸妈妈。甚至有许多专业的老师。我们欢迎这些爸爸妈妈和老师一起来为孩子们的作文提意见。相信孩子们平时赞美鼓励的话听得太多太多了，适当的指正和批评也是他们需要的。所以，请让批评来得更猛烈些吧。对于这些指正意见，我们会虚心接受，不会直接拿给孩子们看，只是让爸爸妈妈们心中有数，消化吸收后再婉转的告诉孩子如何改进和提高。

７，活动如果进行得顺利，希望能办成一个长态的活动。写作的主题可以大家共同策划，多提建议。让孩子们在互相的学习交流中一起成长和提高。

作文提交回贴格式：

孩子英文名：ＸＸＸ
孩子年龄：ＸＸＸ岁
提交方式：１，孩子直接电脑输入
　　　　　２，孩子手写，父母输入（可附上手写照片，不作限定）
　　　　　３，孩子口述，父母输入（可附上口述音频，不作限定）
——————————————————————————————————————
作文要求：xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
正文：xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

评分查看全部评分

参与人数 1	贝壳 +30	理由收起
qinbaoba	+ 30	感谢你！

3899 查看 28 收藏帖子 (7)

说说我的看法高级模式

全部评论

ellenvision

楼主 2014-7-2 07:50:13 使用道具

本帖最后由 ellenvision 于 2014-7-2 07:51 编辑

第一期活动主题：
your story must begin with this sentence.-----I woke up knowing it was the most important day of my life.

可以写真实发生的事情，也可以写想象的故事。
想想这天为什么重要，它对你人生的意义有什么改变，你要去做什么“惊天动地“的事情？

作文提交回贴格式：

孩子英文名：ＸＸＸ
孩子年龄：ＸＸＸ岁
提交方式：１，孩子直接电脑输入
　　　　　２，孩子手写，父母输入（可附上手写照片，不作限定）
　　　　　３，孩子口述，父母输入（可附上口述音频，不作限定）
——————————————————————————————————————
作文要求：your story must begin with this sentence.-----I woke up knowing it was the most important day of my life.
正文：xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

评分查看全部评分

参与人数 1	贝壳 +30	理由收起
qinbaoba	+ 30	很给力!

冷心雨

2014-7-2 08:07:51 使用道具

很给力，支持，等孩子四号考完试就开始练习，感谢给这样一个平台，这样的机会！

coolguy

2014-7-2 08:13:54 使用道具

给力。报名参加！

fannyhuang

2014-7-2 08:14:37 使用道具

好活动，支持下

云柯妈

2014-7-2 08:59:22 使用道具

很给力，谢谢你的引导，暑期参加活动。

zst

2014-7-2 09:01:34 使用道具

English name：Mary
Age： 9
作文要求：your story must begin with this sentence.-----I woke up knowing it was the most important day of my life.
正文：I woke up knowing it was the most important day of my life , I will go to the space by flying. I went in I was on the moon , I saw a rabbit ,I give it a carrot , it was very happy ,we become best friend , I play it . we eat thing together.but I t was dark I said to the rabbit that I have to go back home I will miss it , Then I go to my home I think this is just a dream.

HELEN

2014-7-2 09:06:32 使用道具

孩子英文名：sally
孩子年龄：9岁
提交方式：
　　　　　２，孩子手写，父母输入
　　　　　
——————————————————————————————————————
作文要求：your story must begin with this sentence.-----I woke up knowing it was the most important day of my life.
正文：

I woke up knowing it was the most important day of my life.

I got a letter with an owl! The letter is form Hogwarts. Let me to study . Today I’ll go there by train. I put everything in a bag. I went to the railway station. There are a lot of people like me. I found the train. Mon and dad said, “Good luck” to me .

In the train, I found a seat.I had a little money. But I was hungry. I just bought a chocolate frog. When I was read the card, the frog jumped away. “Oh”, I said, “ I miss my frog!”

An hour later we reached the Hogwarts.

The Game Keeper-Hagrid shouted, “ First year! First year! This way! This way!”

At last we went to the hall. Wow! so beautiful.Candles were floating in the air. All the first year student were standing on a line and waiting to wear the cap. When I wore it ,it shouted “Gryffindor” “Yes!” I was in the same team with Harry Potter! It was great! This day was wonderful!

ellenvision

楼主 2014-7-2 13:37:17 使用道具

本帖最后由 ellenvision 于 2014-7-2 15:01 编辑

孩子英文名：horace
孩子年龄：9岁
提交方式：２，孩子手写，父母输入

——————————————————————————————————————

I woke up knowing it was the most important day of my life. Today I’m going to have my new book launch.

Without wasting anytime I leaped out of bed, brushed my teeth and got dressed. First I put on a handy white shirt and ablack tuxedo with a bow tie. Next, I put on trousers and shiny dressy black leather shoes.

After that, a BMW limousine pulled up in front of my house. I got in and it took me straight to the “book nook” where the book launch would take place.

When I got there, the driver let me out. Crowds and crowds of people were there. There were reporters holding microphones, people holding autographs and even the mayor and his stuff!

I walked onto the stage, bowed and began my speech about my book. It’s about how a cat and a country of mouse got along. I said that the characters were all friendly and some scenes were very humorous and funny. Besides that, I am going to go lower on the price so everyone can afford it.

I ended my speech with another bow. Everyone clapped and clapped. I spent the rest of my time autographing, selling books and taking photos. Even the mayor want a photo with me and said that he would be a fan of me.

It really is the most important day of my life!

Dennis20020101

2014-7-2 16:26:45 使用道具

孩子英文名：Dennis
孩子年龄：12岁
提交方式：１，孩子直接电脑输入　　——————————————————————————————————————
作文要求：your story must begin with this sentence.-----I woke up knowing it was the most important day of my life.
正文：I woke up knowing it was the most important day of my life. The alarm clock was ringing and the electronic memorandum beside the bed was showing that I would be going to the South Pole in an hour! I got dressed hurriedly, washed and brushed, took a sandwich from the shelf and turned on the taxi reservation system. In less than five minutes a taxi had stopped in front of my house. I got in and the taxi began to roar down the expressway and in less than 20 minutes I was at the VIP lounge of the airport building. The members of my team had been waiting there. We got into a special vehicle which took us to a special plane that would fly directly to the South Pole International Airport. The plane took off and eight hours later when we were flying over the Indian Ocean, the plane suddenly began to descend rapidly and was about to hit the surface of the ocean! Everyone on the plane was ready for an emergency escape when we suddenly caught sight of another plane that was flying towards our plane! There were letters ‘Malaysia Airlines’. That must have been the MH370! The two planes went nearer and nearer and before they both landed on the sea, ‘BOOM’!!......

王涵优妈妈

2014-7-2 16:36:44 使用道具

本帖最后由王涵优妈妈于 2014-7-18 21:10 编辑

孩子英文名：YOYO
孩子年龄：8岁
提交方式：１，孩子直接电脑输入

“A Broken Window”

All the boys in B.M. Elementary on theplayground were playing football. Suddenly, Sam kicked the ball into a window!Everyone on the playground all ran away, but A.J had a shoe lace untied so hestopped and tied his shoe lace. But then Miss. Daisy stuck her head out thewindow and said: “Hey! Who broke my window!?” She saw A.J., and she shouted:“YOU BOY! THIS IS THE LAST STRAW! GO TO THE HEADMASTER’S OFFICE!” A.J. did notunderstand why the teachers have always said “The last straw”. A.J. thoughtthey have a lot of straws at home. When he got to the headmaster’s office, hesaw Mr. Benjamin in his office. The office was very cool. There was a punchingbag, a poster and a bar that you can hang upside down. Mr. Benjamin gave him acandy bar when A.J said it was Sam. And he promised that he will talk about itwith Miss. Daisy. Being a headmaster is cool!

goubao1107

2014-7-2 17:46:43 使用道具

本帖最后由 goubao1107 于 2014-7-2 17:55 编辑

孩子英文名：anne
孩子年龄：8岁
提交方式：２，孩子手写，父母输入

——————————————————————————————————————

I woke up knowing it was the most important day of my life because of intuition.I am a pretty white cat with sky blue eyes. I had lived my life in the pet store until this day.
   The door opened. It was a girl in a white dress with her mother. I liked this little girl because she looked very kind, and besides I have white fur and she was in a white dress. I hoped she would buy me.
   The little girl wandered near the cage with a tabby kitten in it. I thought frantically, “Don’t pick the kitten. Pick me! I am prettier than the tabby.” I prayed with all my might. Amazingly it worked. The girl turned and saw me. I saw her eyes light up. I walked over and purred. At last, she picked me. I was so happy that I could burst.
   In the end, she bought me two plastic dishes for milk and fish and a collar. I didn’t mind the collar at all. She had spotted something. It was a leash! “Oh no! Not a leash!” I thought, trembling with dread. Thankfully the girl just shook her head. I was so relieved that I didn’t need to wear a tight leash.
   Just then, the storekeeper opened the cage, I bounded out, my heart feeling as light as a feather. Now I don’t need to live in a smelly overcrowded cage. I started rubbing her ankles, so she picked me up and stroked my fur. Then we went into a car and her mom drove us home.
   My new life began.
凑热闹打个小酱油

wcf_tj

2014-7-3 08:17:18 使用道具

孩子英文名：Franklin
孩子年龄：9岁
提交方式：２，孩子手写，父母输入

  I woke up knowing it was the most important day of my life because i saw the biggest monster of the world.
When i woke up I saw a big rabbit standing behind my bed. It smiled to me  friendly and said :"come and kill the monster
with me ." "OK" I said . Then we flied to a big hill and came into a hole with many blood. The biggest monster the wold
was standing in front of us. It ws so ugly. The rabbit gave a handsome watch to me. When i tuch the watch I became
a supermen. And then i launhed a big power waves to the monster. The monster dead. I went home with the rabbit.
The rabbit became my pet.....

昨天回家告诉儿子，他竟然很爽快的答应写，在我和爸爸散步回来的空挡居然写完了。
第一次的小作文虽然和青涩，但是跟着大家努力，一定会越来越好的。加油！小伙伴们。

  可是原稿怎么上传呢？

王涵优妈妈

2014-7-3 21:42:02 使用道具

本帖最后由王涵优妈妈于 2014-7-3 21:44 编辑

孩子英文名：YOYO
孩子年龄：8岁
提交方式：１，孩子直接电脑输入

I woke up knowing it was the most important day of my live, today grandpa and I are going to Bob’s house to build a robot. Grandpa drove us to there. Bob answered the door and then he asked: “Hello, here to build a robot?” “Yes sir!” I said happily.
“First we build a skeleton of the body.” Bob said, and he showed me all the 206 bones in the body! How cool! When we are building all the bones, I always put the bones in the wrong place. “Be careful,” Bob warned me: “The most impotent bone in the body is the pelvic bone, is where the women make babies.”
Now, let’s hit the muscles! Bob showed all the muscles to me, wow, there are leg muscles, arm muscles, neck muscles… Hey, all the muscles are making me dizzy. Good that grandpa and Bob finished them.
Ok, time to talk about the – wonderful skin. Did you know that? Skin has lots of melanin in it; Melanin makes your skin dark or light. I like brown, a brown color is what I choose for the robot’s skin.
…
Make a robot is hard, but fun too!
P.S the robot cost 20 dollars and 70 cents.

171460283

2014-7-3 22:13:43 使用道具

孩子英文名：Jenny
孩子年龄：9岁半
提交方式：１，孩子直接电脑输入
——————————————————————————————————————
作文要求：your story must begin with this sentence.-----I woke up knowing it was the most important day of my life.
正文：

The Three Places Which I Got Wrong on My Maths Paper

I woke up knowing it was the most important day in my life. It is the end of third grade! And this will be our final day, and the summer vacation will begin. I scrambled out of bed. We had just come back from school and took back our papers, I got 98.5 for my Chinese paper, 96 for my Maths paper, and 100 for my English paper.

I was quite satisfied with my scores, but when my grandpa had seen it, he was very angry since the questions were so easy. I had made three mistakes.

The first mistake which I got was on 45 plus 35 times 12.I got wrong at the place of 35 times 12, I had written it to think about it on a piece of paper, and I had written down the answer of 420, but the beginning of the 0 was a little bit long and it looked like 6, so I wrote down on the paper of 426, I should have written on the paper again to check. But I didn't. That had taken away 2 points.

The second mistake is to make up how many space are there in the vegetable ground. It is in a rectangle shape, long is 24 meters, and wide is 16, I also did on another piece of paper, but I had thought of 1 and 2 equals 2, so I had written 284.That had taken away 1 point.

The third one was on the one of asking you if Xiaoxiao had walked 15 minutes and each minute, she had walked 70 meters. I got the number of how far she walked. It was longer than the route from school to the bookshop, so she is at the right, where it was the east of the bookshop. But I wasn't very careful, and I wrote it into "at the west of the bookshop ". And that had taken away 1 point.

From this test, I learned that when I take tests, I need to be careful, and it's best to write the answers on other papers to check them twice, so it will be less possible to get it wrong.

(367 words)

41856939

2014-7-4 11:54:56 使用道具

本帖最后由 41856939 于 2014-7-6 10:28 编辑

孩子英文名：Jade
孩子年龄：9岁
提交方式：１ (自己输入)

I woke up and knew it was the most important day of my life. I would meet my idol, a famous scientist called Alice. When I was on my way to her house, it started to snow. The snow crunched under my feet and the wind was bitterly cold. When I arrived at Alice’s house, she greeted me warmly. Suddenly! A zombie poked his head in the window. I screamed! It had green skin, bulging eyes, scrawny hands, sharp teeth that stuck out of his mouth, and it looked very ugly.

Ok, I do have a wild imagination.

I told Alice to give me her signature and she did. Unfortunately her pen had run out of ink. So she gave me the address of her laboratory instead, then I went home.

Just then, I fell in a pitch. In the afternoon I found out that I was tucked up safely in my bed.

After lunch, I set of to find Alice .Despite the falling snow and fading light I kept on walking. I was determined to find her. She was in the laboratory as she said. When I got there she was looking at some tiny monkeys. She gave me her signature，and guess what she gave me - a jar of tiny monkeys!

I got a signature and a souvenir from Alice!

Today really was the most important and happiest day of my life.

41856939

2014-7-4 12:01:07 使用道具

本帖最后由 41856939 于 2014-7-6 10:27 编辑

真棒的孩子们

ellenvision

楼主 2014-7-4 12:02:54 使用道具

小朋友的想象力都好丰富。感叹，光看就能学到许多。思路一下子就打开了。谢谢大家的精彩参予。

ellenvision

楼主 2014-7-4 12:07:36 使用道具

孩子英文名：Jade
孩子年龄：9岁
提交方式：１，孩子直接电脑输入

I woke up and knew it was the most important day of my life. I would meet my idol, a famous scientist called Alice. When I was on my way to her house, it started to snow. The snow crunched under my feet and the wind was bitterly cold. When I arrived at Alice’s house, she greeted me warmly. Suddenly! A zombie poked his head in the window. I screamed! It had green skin, bulging eyes, scrawny hands, sharp teeth that stuck out of his mouth, and it looked very ugly.

Ok, I do have a wild imagination.

I told Alice to give me her signature and she did. Unfortunately her pen had run out of ink. So she gave me the address of her laboratory instead, then I went home.

Just then, I fell in a pitch. In the afternoon I found out that I was tucked up safely in my bed.

After lunch, I set of to find Alice .Despite the falling snow and fading light I kept on walking. I was determined to find her. She was in the laboratory as she said. When I got there she was looking at some tiny monkeys. She gave me her signature，and guess what she gave me - a jar of tiny monkeys!

I got a signature and a souvenir from Alice!

Today really was the most important and happiest day of my life.

都都妈妈08

2014-7-4 16:40:25 使用道具

这些小朋友太厉害了！我很多都看不懂呀

iwantfly_2008

2014-7-6 17:19:40 使用道具

提示: 作者被禁止或删除内容自动屏蔽

王涵优妈妈

2014-7-11 21:31:30 使用道具

孩子英文名：YOYO
孩子年龄：8岁
提交方式：1，孩子直接电脑输入
Jakob was absolutely furious when he saw what was going on outside his window. His sister Helen and all the kids in first grade were marching down the street yelling :“One two three four, what do we appreciate? Pizza! Pizza! Pizza! ” Since last week the school is not allowed to send more pizza to students, my sister had begun a revolution with the other first graders. Now they are marching two times down the street. They march once in the morning and once in the afternoon. It’s a weird little band. Helen is the leader of this band. There are 2 drummers, 17 marchers, 4 flag holders all add to 24 people. Jakob tried to stop them 8 times, but no time worked. After 12 weeks the school was so irritated that they began to give pizzas again!

helen_zuo

2014-7-15 08:34:41 使用道具

孩子英文名字：Gene
年龄：9岁
提交方式： 1，孩子直接电脑输入
I woke up, being to be the biggest day of my life. It was 11:20pm. I took a taxi to the airport. I got my bags on the cart of LF374. The good news was that I would take an AIR BUS 380 to Frankfurt International Airport. We started to fly at 2:50am. We took eight hours and twenty minutes there. When we arrived there, it was 5:10am (Germany time). I spent 17 Euros to rent a car. And guess what? I’ve rent a Lamborghini LP-640-4 SV! I drove very fast and the top speed reached 337km\h! After half an hour, we arrived at the booked hotel. Oh, it’s a five star hotel! I only used 47Euro for a room! I walked into the elevator and got on floor 79, where my room was! I dropped my bags. I took a tennis racket and ten balls there. After lunch, I and my friend started playing tennis……
After playing tennis, I’ve taken my friend to the Main river and the Lain river. We took a look at Porsche cars make-up place. It was really an amazing day for me.