I would like you to think back to the day your child was born. On that miraculous day, did you take your beautiful newborn, put your precious one on the floor, and ask him to run? Demand him to run? Were you upset that he was unable to do such a simple feat? Did you become discouraged because your newborn could not do the same thing as your four-year-old nephew? Did you keep your baby away from other babies because they were unable to run, too?
No, of course not! Instead, over the next few months you encouraged your baby to lift his head, and when he started to crawl you cheered. On the day that your baby first walked you either grabbed your camera and took a thousand pictures or you filmed it all on your cell phone, to send to your family and friends! You constantly encouraged GuoGuo or LeLe to try harder. Then, over the next few months, you encouraged your little one again and again to “come to mommy” or “come to daddy”. You beamed with pride when your child started to run, and said to your friends or neighbors, “That’s my child!” And then, one one day, you told your child, “stop running in the house!”
Your child made huge progress over just a very short amount of time, although at month four or six it was hard to believe that you would ever have to tell your child to stop running, much less to stop walking!
Language development is very similar to learning to walk and then to run. Each child reacts differently to language. Some repeat or “echo” immediately when they are learning a new language, while others actually analyze what they are hearing first. Each child adapts to language in his/her own unique way. To compare two children is unfair and almost ridiculous, although I know that it happens often. If you were to compare both Picasso and Einstein as children, you would find huge differences in their abilities, yet both left remarkable footprints on the world--one for his scientific genius and the other for his artistic genius. What do you think would have happened if Einstein’s mom had thrown up her hands in dismay when he continued to write his notes backwards?
The progress that your child has made thus far is impressive. Look at their tremendous growth—whether in academics, social, artistic, or verbal skills. Although at times it is tempting for a parent to compare their child with another, it is actually a very dangerous thing to do. By doing this you are sending a message to your child that he/she may not be “good enough”, and this message becomes deeply engrained in their character. This is why I believe that we should celebrate overall progress, and encourage children to simply do their best in everything they try. Most essentially, though, they need to have fun in life.
Our childhoods pass so quickly, and there is so much that needs to be learned as we grow. As a parent, your child needs you to be patient. They need you to allow them to have new opportunities. They need you to encourage them, cheer them on, and give them a shoulder to cry on when they need it. They need you to tell them not to give up, to try harder, and, at times, they need you to be understanding.
Your role is to expose them to everything that you believe can help shape their character and their understanding of the world in a positive way. Perhaps it’s to take them to all of the art galleries in Shanghai, to learn more languages, to go to a new art school, or to learn how to swim. Remember, you are the adult. You have had the experiences you have had thus far to prepare you for being a parent. You need to be strong, make decisions, and remain positive and encouraging.
Back to the issue of language acquisition. We all want our kids to be conversant and outgoing, although not every child has that personality. Some kids are a bit shy, others less so. Some just want to hide behind their mom, while others want to take center stage. Whatever you want for your child, be patient. By allowing your child to have different language experiences, you are opening up the world to them and exposing them while helping to mold their personalities and characters. Try to take your child to a place where they can hear other languages spoken. If you are in a position to put your child into a bilingual class, try it out. All the while, remain patient and positive. Your child didn’t walk on his first day of life, and change and growth take time. Don’t expect your child to come home from an English school the first day and recite Tennyson or Hemmingway. Even many adults can’t do that!! Day by day, step by step, your child will be successful.
Encourage your child , take pictures to mark the milestones, and enjoy as well as celebrate every moment. Moments and milestones pass very quickly and are impossible to retrieve once gone. One day you may actually say, “Shhhhh! You talk too much!” to your child as he tries to explain in a second language the theory of gravity.
Smile. Life is short, and today is a great, great day!
