本帖最后由 bluelilac 于 2011-10-22 10:18 编辑
Defiance: Why it happens and what to do about it
Why preschoolers defy their parentsYour preschooler refuses to leave his friend's house, ignores your request to put away his toys, and pushes his trucks down the stairs despite your repeated instructions not to. Why is he being so defiant?
Less dependent on you than he was as a toddler, your preschooler now has a stronger and more secure identity. He may even be developing a bit of a rebellious streak. "Defiance is how a preschooler asserts himself," says Susanne Ayers Denham, a professor of psychology at George Mason University in Fairfax, Virginia.
What you can do about defianceBe understanding. When you ask your preschooler to come in for lunch and he yells, "Not now!" and then cries when you make him come in anyway, try to put yourself in his shoes. Give him a hug and tell him you know it's tough to leave his friends, but lunch is ready.
The idea is to show him that instead of being part of the problem, you're actually on his side. Try not to get angry (even if the neighbors are checking out the show your child's putting on). Be kind but firm about making him come in when he must.
Set limits. Preschoolers need — and even want — limits, so set them and make sure your child knows what they are. Spell it out for him: "We don't hit. If you're angry, use your words to tell Adam you want the toy back" or "Remember, you always have to hold my hand in the parking lot."
If your youngster has problems abiding by the rules (as every preschooler does), work on solutions. If he hits his little sister because he's feeling left out, for instance, let him help you feed or bathe the baby, then find a way for him to have his own special time with you. If he gets out of bed because he's afraid of the dark, give him a flashlight to keep on his nightstand.
Reinforce good behavior. Rather than paying attention to your preschooler only when he's misbehaving, try to catch him acting appropriately. A simple "Thanks for hanging up your coat!" or "It's so helpful when you share with your baby sister!" will go a long way toward encouraging your preschooler to do more of the same.
And although you may be sorely tempted to give your child a verbal lashing when he engages in less-than-desirable antics, hold your tongue. "When a child behaves badly, he already feels terrible," says Jane Nelsen, author of the Positive Discipline series of books. "Where did we ever get the idea that in order to make children do better, we first have to make them feel worse?" In fact, doing so may only produce more negative behavior.
Remember, too, that disciplining your preschooler doesn't mean controlling him — it means teaching him to control himself. Punishment might get him to behave, but only because he's afraid not to. It's best for your child to do the right thing because he wants to — because it makes the day more fun for him or makes him feel good.
Use time-outs — positively. When your preschooler's ready to bust a gasket because he isn't getting his way, help him cool off. Rather than a punitive time-out ("Go to your room!"), take him to a comfy sofa in the den or to a favorite corner of his bedroom.
Maybe your child would even like to design a "calm-down place" himself — with a big pillow, a soft blanket, and a few favorite books. If he refuses to go, offer to go along with him and read a story.
If he still refuses, go yourself — just to chill out. You'll not only set a good example, you might get a much-needed break. Once you both feel better, that's the time to talk about appropriate behavior.
Empower your preschooler. Providing opportunities for your youngster to make his own choices allows him to strut some of his newfound autonomy in a controlled environment. Instead of demanding that he put on the jeans you've selected, for instance, let him choose between two pairs you've laid out. Ask if he'd like peas or green beans with dinner, and which of two stories at bedtime.
Another way to help your youngster feel more in control is to tell him what he can do instead of what he can't. Rather than saying, "No! Don't swing the bat in the house!" say, "Let's go outside and practice batting." If he wants an ice-cream cone before dinner, tell him he can choose between a slice of cheese or an apple.
Choose your battles. If your fashion-savvy preschooler wants to wear his green camouflage sweatshirt with his orange striped shorts, what do you care? If he wants waffles for lunch and peanut butter and jelly for breakfast, what's the harm? Sometimes it's easier to look the other way — when he splashes in a mud puddle on the way home, for example, or stuffs his puppet under his bed instead of putting it on the proper shelf.
Distract and divert. Avoid situations that might spark your preschooler's defiant streak. Why risk taking him to a fancy restaurant when you could just meet your sister for a picnic in the park? How realistic is it to expect him to behave in a clothing store or sit quietly during an hour-long community meeting?
If you find yourself in a tricky situation, use distraction to avoid a head-on collision with your child. If you're walking through the mall and spy a toy store that tends to send your kid into a frenzy, quickly steer him in a different direction or divert his attention ("Wow, Jason, look at that fountain! Want to throw in a penny and make a wish?").
Respect his age and stage. When you ask your preschooler to make his bed or sweep the porch, make sure he knows how. Take the time to teach him new tasks, and do them together until he really gets the hang of it. Sometimes what looks like defiance is simply the inability to follow through on a responsibility that's too difficult.
Finally, respect the unique world your preschooler lives in, especially the way he perceives time (or doesn't). Rather than expecting him to jump up from a game at preschool to get in the car, give him a few minutes' notice to help him switch gears. ("Aaron, we're leaving in five minutes, so please finish up.")
There's no guarantee that he'll break away from his fun without complaint — in fact, he'll probably grouse all the way home. But as long as you're patient and consistent, your youngster will eventually learn that defiance isn't the way to get what he wants.
Swap stories and advice about behavior and discipline with other parents in the BabyCenter Community.
增加了google自动 翻译的，翻得很差，大家就当成个单词提醒吧：
反抗：为什么会发生，它做什么
为什么学龄前儿童违抗他们的parentsYour学龄前儿童拒绝离开他的朋友的房子，忽略了你的请求，收起他的玩具，他的车推下楼梯，尽管你一再指示，。为什么他如此挑衅？
比他作为一个蹒跚学步的依赖你，你的孩子现在有一个更强大和更安全的身份。他甚至有可能开发一个叛逆的连胜位。 “反抗是学龄前儿童如何声称自己”，在弗吉尼亚州费尔法克斯的乔治梅森大学的心理学教授苏珊艾尔斯德纳姆说。
你可以做什么defianceBe了解。当你问你的孩子来午餐，他破口大骂，“不是现在！”然后哭时，你让他来，无论如何，尽量把自己在他的鞋子。给他一个拥抱，并告诉他，你知道这是很难离开他的朋友，但已准备好午餐。
我们的想法是向他展示，而不是问题的一部分，实际上，你在他的身边。尽量不生气（即使邻居把您的孩子检查出显示）。但让他来时，他必须善待公司。
设置的限制。幼儿需要 - 甚至希望 - 限制，所以它们设置，并确保你的孩子知道他们。拼写出来为他说：“我们不打，如果你生气，用你的话告诉亚当，你想要回玩具。”或“请记住，你总是要我的手在停车场举行。”
如果您的童遵守规则（每学龄前儿童）的问题，解决问题的工作。如果他击中他的小妹妹，因为他的冷落的感觉，例如，让他帮你饲料或婴儿洗澡，然后找到一种方法，他有自己的特殊时间。如果他起床，因为他害怕黑暗，给他一个手电筒在他的床头柜上保持。
强化良好的行为。重视你的孩子，只有当他的行为不端，而不是试图赶上他行事适当。一个简单的“感谢挂你的外衣！”或“这是有益的，当你与你的小妹妹共享！”会朝着鼓励你的孩子做更多相同的一个很长的路要走。
而且，虽然你可能会缺阵想给你的孩子口头绑扎低于可取的滑稽动作，当他在从事，保持你的舌头。 “当一个孩子表现不好，他已经觉得可怕，说：”简Nelsen，正纪系列书籍的作者。 “哪里有机会的想法，为了让孩子们做的更好，我们首先必须让他们感觉更糟？”事实上，这样做可能会产生更多的负面行为。
记住，也管教你的孩子并不等于控制了他 - 这意味着教他控制自己。处罚可能会得到他的行为，但只是因为他不害怕。最好是您的孩子做正确的事，因为他想 - 因为它使天更取笑他或让他感觉很好。
使用超时 - 积极。当你的孩子准备胸围垫片的，因为他没有得到他的方式，帮助他冷静下来。而不是惩罚超时（“转到你的房间！”），他在书房舒适的沙发，或到他的卧室最喜欢的角落。
也许你的孩子甚至会设计的“平静下来的地方”自己 - 一个大枕头，柔软的毯子，和几个喜爱的书籍。如果他拒绝去，主动去与他一起读故事。
如果他仍然拒绝，走自己 - 只是为了放松。你不仅设置了一个很好的例子，你可能会得到急需的突破。一旦你感觉更好，这是时间谈论适当的行为。
增强你的孩子。您的青少年提供机会，使自己的选择，让他支撑他在受控环境中的新发现的自主权。而是要求他把你选择的牛仔裤，例如，让他选择了两个对你已经奠定了。问他是否想晚餐的豌豆或绿豆，和这两个睡前故事。
另一种方法来帮助你童在控制的感觉告诉他，他能做些什么，而不是什么是他不能。而不是说：“不！不要摆在家里的蝙蝠！”说，“让我们到外面去和实践的击球。”如果他想在晚餐前的冰淇淋，告诉他，他可以选择的奶酪片或苹果。
选择你的战斗。如果您的时尚精明的学龄前儿童，希望他与他的橙色的条纹短裤穿绿色迷彩衫，你有什么照顾？如果他想早餐午餐和花生酱和果冻的松饼，有什么危害？有时更容易寻找其他的方式 - 当他溅起的泥水坑，例如，在回家的路上或东西在他的床下他的傀儡，而不是把它适当的货架上。
分散和转移。避免可能引发你的孩子的挑衅连胜的情况。为什么要冒险他看中的餐厅时，你可以仅仅满足你的妹妹在公园野餐吗？如何现实是期望他在一家服装店的行为，或在长达一个小时的社区会议上，静静地坐下吗？
如果你发现自己在一个棘手的情况，使用的分心，避免与您的孩子迎头相撞。如果你步行通过商场和间谍，往往送您的孩子成为一个狂热的一家玩具店，在不同的方向迅速转向他或转移他的注意力（“哇，贾森，喷泉，看！想扔在一分钱打一个愿？“）。
尊重他的年龄和阶段。当你问你的孩子，使他的床或扫门廊，确保他知道如何。花时间教他新的任务，和他们一起做，直到他真正得到它。有时候看起来像蔑视，简直是无法按照责任，太难。
最后，尊重你的孩子生活的独特的世界，特别是他认识的时间（或不）。而不是期望他跳起来在学龄前从游戏到上车，给他几分钟的通知，以帮助他开关装置。 （“阿龙，我们在五分钟内离开，所以请完事了。”）
有没有保证，他将打破由他的乐趣毫无怨言 - 事实上，他可能会松鸡所有回家的路上。但只要你耐心和一贯的，你的童最终将学习，无视的方式来获得他想要什么。
交换故事和有关BabyCenter社区其他家长的行为和纪律的意见。
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Defiance: Why it happens and what to do about it
Why preschoolers defy their parentsYour preschooler refuses to leave his friend's house, ignores your request to put away his toys, and pushes his trucks down the stairs despite your repeated instructions not to. Why is he being so defiant?
Less dependent on you than he was as a toddler, your preschooler now has a stronger and more secure identity. He may even be developing a bit of a rebellious streak. "Defiance is how a preschooler asserts himself," says Susanne Ayers Denham, a professor of psychology at George Mason University in Fairfax, Virginia.
What you can do about defianceBe understanding. When you ask your preschooler to come in for lunch and he yells, "Not now!" and then cries when you make him come in anyway, try to put yourself in his shoes. Give him a hug and tell him you know it's tough to leave his friends, but lunch is ready.
The idea is to show him that instead of being part of the problem, you're actually on his side. Try not to get angry (even if the neighbors are checking out the show your child's putting on). Be kind but firm about making him come in when he must.
Set limits. Preschoolers need — and even want — limits, so set them and make sure your child knows what they are. Spell it out for him: "We don't hit. If you're angry, use your words to tell Adam you want the toy back" or "Remember, you always have to hold my hand in the parking lot."
If your youngster has problems abiding by the rules (as every preschooler does), work on solutions. If he hits his little sister because he's feeling left out, for instance, let him help you feed or bathe the baby, then find a way for him to have his own special time with you. If he gets out of bed because he's afraid of the dark, give him a flashlight to keep on his nightstand.
Reinforce good behavior. Rather than paying attention to your preschooler only when he's misbehaving, try to catch him acting appropriately. A simple "Thanks for hanging up your coat!" or "It's so helpful when you share with your baby sister!" will go a long way toward encouraging your preschooler to do more of the same.
And although you may be sorely tempted to give your child a verbal lashing when he engages in less-than-desirable antics, hold your tongue. "When a child behaves badly, he already feels terrible," says Jane Nelsen, author of the Positive Discipline series of books. "Where did we ever get the idea that in order to make children do better, we first have to make them feel worse?" In fact, doing so may only produce more negative behavior.
Remember, too, that disciplining your preschooler doesn't mean controlling him — it means teaching him to control himself. Punishment might get him to behave, but only because he's afraid not to. It's best for your child to do the right thing because he wants to — because it makes the day more fun for him or makes him feel good.
Use time-outs — positively. When your preschooler's ready to bust a gasket because he isn't getting his way, help him cool off. Rather than a punitive time-out ("Go to your room!"), take him to a comfy sofa in the den or to a favorite corner of his bedroom.
Maybe your child would even like to design a "calm-down place" himself — with a big pillow, a soft blanket, and a few favorite books. If he refuses to go, offer to go along with him and read a story.
If he still refuses, go yourself — just to chill out. You'll not only set a good example, you might get a much-needed break. Once you both feel better, that's the time to talk about appropriate behavior.
Empower your preschooler. Providing opportunities for your youngster to make his own choices allows him to strut some of his newfound autonomy in a controlled environment. Instead of demanding that he put on the jeans you've selected, for instance, let him choose between two pairs you've laid out. Ask if he'd like peas or green beans with dinner, and which of two stories at bedtime.
Another way to help your youngster feel more in control is to tell him what he can do instead of what he can't. Rather than saying, "No! Don't swing the bat in the house!" say, "Let's go outside and practice batting." If he wants an ice-cream cone before dinner, tell him he can choose between a slice of cheese or an apple.
Choose your battles. If your fashion-savvy preschooler wants to wear his green camouflage sweatshirt with his orange striped shorts, what do you care? If he wants waffles for lunch and peanut butter and jelly for breakfast, what's the harm? Sometimes it's easier to look the other way — when he splashes in a mud puddle on the way home, for example, or stuffs his puppet under his bed instead of putting it on the proper shelf.
Distract and divert. Avoid situations that might spark your preschooler's defiant streak. Why risk taking him to a fancy restaurant when you could just meet your sister for a picnic in the park? How realistic is it to expect him to behave in a clothing store or sit quietly during an hour-long community meeting?
If you find yourself in a tricky situation, use distraction to avoid a head-on collision with your child. If you're walking through the mall and spy a toy store that tends to send your kid into a frenzy, quickly steer him in a different direction or divert his attention ("Wow, Jason, look at that fountain! Want to throw in a penny and make a wish?").
Respect his age and stage. When you ask your preschooler to make his bed or sweep the porch, make sure he knows how. Take the time to teach him new tasks, and do them together until he really gets the hang of it. Sometimes what looks like defiance is simply the inability to follow through on a responsibility that's too difficult.
Finally, respect the unique world your preschooler lives in, especially the way he perceives time (or doesn't). Rather than expecting him to jump up from a game at preschool to get in the car, give him a few minutes' notice to help him switch gears. ("Aaron, we're leaving in five minutes, so please finish up.")
There's no guarantee that he'll break away from his fun without complaint — in fact, he'll probably grouse all the way home. But as long as you're patient and consistent, your youngster will eventually learn that defiance isn't the way to get what he wants.
Swap stories and advice about behavior and discipline with other parents in the BabyCenter Community.
增加了google自动 翻译的，翻得很差，大家就当成个单词提醒吧：
反抗：为什么会发生，它做什么
为什么学龄前儿童违抗他们的parentsYour学龄前儿童拒绝离开他的朋友的房子，忽略了你的请求，收起他的玩具，他的车推下楼梯，尽管你一再指示，。为什么他如此挑衅？
比他作为一个蹒跚学步的依赖你，你的孩子现在有一个更强大和更安全的身份。他甚至有可能开发一个叛逆的连胜位。 “反抗是学龄前儿童如何声称自己”，在弗吉尼亚州费尔法克斯的乔治梅森大学的心理学教授苏珊艾尔斯德纳姆说。
你可以做什么defianceBe了解。当你问你的孩子来午餐，他破口大骂，“不是现在！”然后哭时，你让他来，无论如何，尽量把自己在他的鞋子。给他一个拥抱，并告诉他，你知道这是很难离开他的朋友，但已准备好午餐。
我们的想法是向他展示，而不是问题的一部分，实际上，你在他的身边。尽量不生气（即使邻居把您的孩子检查出显示）。但让他来时，他必须善待公司。
设置的限制。幼儿需要 - 甚至希望 - 限制，所以它们设置，并确保你的孩子知道他们。拼写出来为他说：“我们不打，如果你生气，用你的话告诉亚当，你想要回玩具。”或“请记住，你总是要我的手在停车场举行。”
如果您的童遵守规则（每学龄前儿童）的问题，解决问题的工作。如果他击中他的小妹妹，因为他的冷落的感觉，例如，让他帮你饲料或婴儿洗澡，然后找到一种方法，他有自己的特殊时间。如果他起床，因为他害怕黑暗，给他一个手电筒在他的床头柜上保持。
强化良好的行为。重视你的孩子，只有当他的行为不端，而不是试图赶上他行事适当。一个简单的“感谢挂你的外衣！”或“这是有益的，当你与你的小妹妹共享！”会朝着鼓励你的孩子做更多相同的一个很长的路要走。
而且，虽然你可能会缺阵想给你的孩子口头绑扎低于可取的滑稽动作，当他在从事，保持你的舌头。 “当一个孩子表现不好，他已经觉得可怕，说：”简Nelsen，正纪系列书籍的作者。 “哪里有机会的想法，为了让孩子们做的更好，我们首先必须让他们感觉更糟？”事实上，这样做可能会产生更多的负面行为。
记住，也管教你的孩子并不等于控制了他 - 这意味着教他控制自己。处罚可能会得到他的行为，但只是因为他不害怕。最好是您的孩子做正确的事，因为他想 - 因为它使天更取笑他或让他感觉很好。
使用超时 - 积极。当你的孩子准备胸围垫片的，因为他没有得到他的方式，帮助他冷静下来。而不是惩罚超时（“转到你的房间！”），他在书房舒适的沙发，或到他的卧室最喜欢的角落。
也许你的孩子甚至会设计的“平静下来的地方”自己 - 一个大枕头，柔软的毯子，和几个喜爱的书籍。如果他拒绝去，主动去与他一起读故事。
如果他仍然拒绝，走自己 - 只是为了放松。你不仅设置了一个很好的例子，你可能会得到急需的突破。一旦你感觉更好，这是时间谈论适当的行为。
增强你的孩子。您的青少年提供机会，使自己的选择，让他支撑他在受控环境中的新发现的自主权。而是要求他把你选择的牛仔裤，例如，让他选择了两个对你已经奠定了。问他是否想晚餐的豌豆或绿豆，和这两个睡前故事。
另一种方法来帮助你童在控制的感觉告诉他，他能做些什么，而不是什么是他不能。而不是说：“不！不要摆在家里的蝙蝠！”说，“让我们到外面去和实践的击球。”如果他想在晚餐前的冰淇淋，告诉他，他可以选择的奶酪片或苹果。
选择你的战斗。如果您的时尚精明的学龄前儿童，希望他与他的橙色的条纹短裤穿绿色迷彩衫，你有什么照顾？如果他想早餐午餐和花生酱和果冻的松饼，有什么危害？有时更容易寻找其他的方式 - 当他溅起的泥水坑，例如，在回家的路上或东西在他的床下他的傀儡，而不是把它适当的货架上。
分散和转移。避免可能引发你的孩子的挑衅连胜的情况。为什么要冒险他看中的餐厅时，你可以仅仅满足你的妹妹在公园野餐吗？如何现实是期望他在一家服装店的行为，或在长达一个小时的社区会议上，静静地坐下吗？
如果你发现自己在一个棘手的情况，使用的分心，避免与您的孩子迎头相撞。如果你步行通过商场和间谍，往往送您的孩子成为一个狂热的一家玩具店，在不同的方向迅速转向他或转移他的注意力（“哇，贾森，喷泉，看！想扔在一分钱打一个愿？“）。
尊重他的年龄和阶段。当你问你的孩子，使他的床或扫门廊，确保他知道如何。花时间教他新的任务，和他们一起做，直到他真正得到它。有时候看起来像蔑视，简直是无法按照责任，太难。
最后，尊重你的孩子生活的独特的世界，特别是他认识的时间（或不）。而不是期望他跳起来在学龄前从游戏到上车，给他几分钟的通知，以帮助他开关装置。 （“阿龙，我们在五分钟内离开，所以请完事了。”）
有没有保证，他将打破由他的乐趣毫无怨言 - 事实上，他可能会松鸡所有回家的路上。但只要你耐心和一贯的，你的童最终将学习，无视的方式来获得他想要什么。
交换故事和有关BabyCenter社区其他家长的行为和纪律的意见。
该贴已经同步到 bluelilac的微博说说我的看法高级模式
