[文科学习] Essay范文欣赏（转载）

本帖最后由 peterpan 于 2012-2-28 09:07 编辑

范文一点评：

这篇作文的题目是关于课外体育活动。利用跑步锻炼这个题材，作者阐述了自己对人生现实的认知，充满了积极向上的期待。

要完全理解这篇作文，有必要提到据说是比尔·盖茨送给年轻人的十一条忠告：

1. 生活是不公平的，你要去学会适应它；

2. 这世界不会在意你的自尊，这世界指望你在自我感觉良好之前先要有所成就；

3. 高中刚毕业后你不会一下就拿到年薪六万美金的职位，你也不会很快成为拥有车载电话的公司副总，这些都要你自己挣得；

4. 如果你认为你的老师严厉，等你有了老板后再比较，老板可不是终身的；

5. 翻烤汉堡包并不有损你的尊严。你的长辈们用另一个词来描述这份工作，他们称之为机遇；
　　
6. 如果你搞砸了，那不是你父母的错，不要只会发牢骚，要学会吸取教训；

7. 在你出生之前，你的父母并非像现在这样乏味。他们变成今天这个样子是因为这些年来他们一直在为你付账单，给你洗衣服，听你大谈你是如何的酷。在你大谈拯救雨林以免遭受你父母辈的寄生虫的危害时，先把你自己衣橱里的跳蚤除去；

8. 你的学校也许已经不再分优等生和劣等生，但生活却仍在划分；有些学校已经废除了不及格并给你想要多少就多少的机会让你得到正确的答案。但在现实生活中，却完全不同；

9. 生活不分学期，你并没有暑假可以休息，也没有几个人乐于帮你发现自我。你得用你自己的时间去发现；

10. 电视并不是真实的生活，在现实生活中，人们得离开咖啡屋去干自己的工作；

11. 善待那些看似怪异的人，很有可能有一天你会不得不为他们打工。

美国的大学教育是普通教育，培养有一技之长、对社会有用并且能适应社会的人。现实社会，不可避免会有很多不公平的地方，要成功，需要有顽强的心理素质。名牌大学对学生未来的发展期望很高，对学生承受压力、正视挫折的能力非常看重。很多大学的命题作文直接或间接地考察学生面对人生逆境的表现；而一个聪明的学生也会利用机会展示自己面对挑战的勇气和进取心。

在这篇作文里，作者开始就提到了自己早年在曲棍球队的经历：一个粗暴有虐待倾向的教练和惩罚性的长跑。尽管心里很不乐意，作者并没有放弃，反而以一种适应的态度去对待并最终迷上了这项运动。径赛队同伴的鼓励，让我们看到了作者珍惜友爱和社会的温情；作者的感悟，让我们既看到了作者走向社会的心理准备，又充满了积极的人生向往。一般的作文要求500单词左右，这篇文章共503单词，在有限的空间，包含了磨难，毅力，关怀，理解，憧憬。全文词汇优雅丰富，修辞巧妙，用了很多排比句，画面感非常强，感染力也非常强。在具体写作技巧上，有二点值得一提：

1. 使用了不少科学词汇，如指数般(exponentially)，内啡肽(endorphin)，爱好(affinity)，这些词汇的应用显然有利于叩击麻省理工学院的大门。

2. 巧妙甚至狡猾地使用了幽默。幽默是个双刃剑，往往容易弄巧成拙，一般人在作文里会尽量避免。然而，作者却大胆地调侃道：跑步时，会去猜想大学招生的秘密 --这简直是在向正在阅读此作文的招生人员叫阵！但是，说这句话的时候，招生的人应该已经为其经历和毅力所触动，而且前面谈到河马单词，已经把作文的节奏调得轻松，这句话会让招生人员会心一笑，拉近了彼此的距离。而随后梦幻般的紧凑道白，为这篇作文留下了非常美妙的收尾。

Lauren 是个可男可女的名字，但从第一段谈论控制体重保持身材就可看出是个女孩。的确，这篇文章透着一股女孩气，精灵机警，如同金庸小说里的某位人物。（转载）

范文二：

My childhood left three months ago on a plane to Austria.

It was a sad day, the end of June, when my baby cousins moved away. They had lived nearby for almost five years, and now they were moving to a country too far to visit with any regularity. My cousins were a fundamental part of my life; when they were not with me, they were on my mind. A week had never gone by without a visit from them and I doubted my life would be the same without them. They brought back the untroubled days of my childhood, through games, adventures, and silliness; and yet they helped mature me from an at-times selfish teenager into a responsible, mature adult.

My aunt and uncle moved to New Jersey from Boston, with their 1-year-old daughter Yasmeen, in the winter of 1998. They lived in an apartment on the side of our house and I was ecstatic to have our family, especially a baby girl, so close to us. Yasmeen had close friendships with each of my sisters, but I knew the one that developed between us was the strongest. As she began to walk on her own and talk in full sentences, I realized the extent of my influence upon her. I would notice her syntax and mannerisms mimicking mine. I also noticed when she’d copy some of my more unpleasant actions, arguing with her mother after I had done the same. Yasmeen made me realize what being a role model really was.

When Maya was born in 2000, Yasmeen had a hard time adjusting. She was jealous of the attention we all paid to her new younger sister, so I did my best to pay attention to her when she might have not been noticed. Once Yasmeen overcame her jealousy, she was able to enjoy Maya’s presence in our lives, like we all did. Maya grew up fast, too, it seemed. Each day, they got a little bit bigger, doing my best to free my schedule for my two favorite people.

My experience with Yasmeen and Maya has brought me to realize the importance of influential people. I know that I have helped Yasmeen and Maya grow, but “the babies” have made an even great impact on my own life. They have shown me how to be a parent, a sister, a cousin, a babysitter, a child, and most importantly, a friend. My relationship with my cousins has made me a better person-a more patient person, with the ability to tolerate endless questions and spilled juice; an exuberant person, able to have fun and be happy with others and sometimes, when I’d rather not, for the sake of others; a role model, showing the babies the ethics of life, right, wrong, and in between; and a compassionate person, able to be responsible, forgiving, and loving. Yasmeen and Maya made me know that I can and do affect people’s lives and emotions. They are where I leave a lasting impression. And maybe, as they grow, they won’t remember all the fun times we had, but I do know they’ll remember the things I tried to teach them about life and love and family.

范文二点评

1.  The essay has a sharp, strong beginning and a fresh honesty that conveys the events of the author’s life and her outlook.
2.  The style is simple and the topic is, too. But we believe in this story because of its simplicity.
3.  The author proves that this has been a significant experience by the lessons she enumerates in the last paragraph.
4.  The reader needs to know a little more about the circumstances of these moves from Boston to New Jersey to Austria, in order to understand the context of the essay.
5.  A few more specific examples in the second and third paragraphs would give them the same strength and vividness as the “spilled juice” reference.
6.  Having shared this interesting story, the author might find a few more insights and results to add to the last paragraph.  The events seem affecting; the effects might be multiplied.

本帖最后由 peterpan 于 2012-2-28 09:09 编辑

范文三：

My most important experience sought me out. It happened to me; I didn’t cause it.

My preferred companions are books or music or pen and paper. I have only a small circle of close friends, few of whom get along together. They could easily be counted “misfits.” To be plain, I found it quite easy to doubt my ability to have any sort of “close relationship.”

After the closing festivities of Andover Summer School this past summer, on the night before we were scheduled to leave, a girl I had met during the program’s course approached me. She came to my room and sat down on my bed and announced that she was debating with herself whether she wanted me to become her boyfriend. She wanted my reaction, my opinion.

I was startled, to say the least, and frightened. I instantly said, “No.” I told her I on no account wanted this and that I would reject any gestures she made towards starting a relationship. I would ignore her entirely, if need be. I explained that I was a coward. I wanted nothing whatsoever to do with a relationship. I talked a lot and very fast.

To my surprise, she did not leave instantly. Instead, she hugged her knees and rocked back and forth on my bed. I watched her from across the room. She rocked, and I watched. Doubts crept up on me. Opportunity had knocked and the door was still locked. It might soon depart.

“I lied,” I said. “I was afraid of what might happen if we became involved. But it’s better to take the chance than to be afraid.”

She told me she knew I had lied. I had made her realize, though, how much she actually wanted me to be her boyfriend. We decided to keep up a relationship after Andover.

Even then, I was not sure which had been the lie. Now I think that everything I said may have been true when I said it. But I’m still not sure.

I learned, that night, that I could be close to someone. I also realize, now, that it doesn’t matter whether or not that person is a misfit; the only important thing is the feeling, the closeness, the connection. As long as there is something between two people--friendship, love, shared interests, whatever else--it is a sign that there can be some reconciliation with fear, some “fit” for misfits. And it shows that fear need not
always win, that we can grow and change, and even have second chances.

I am still seeing her.

范文三点评：

1. It follows the standard essay pattern: an introduction (short), a series of supporting paragraphs for the body, and a conclusion (here, a summary paragraph and an end sentence).

2. It has a focus: his anxiety about relationships.

3. It has proof: the story of his conversation with a girl. Again, focused narrative development has made the proof vivid.

4. It is short, to the point, simple, and yet memorable. It is interesting without being grand, noble, or cosmic.

5. The style is simple and direct, employing short sentences and simple words to tell a simple story.

6. It coordinates and enriches an application full of academic achievements and high scores and grades. It is information definitely not found elsewhere in the application.

范文四：

Undergraduate College Application Essay Sample

From the time I was able to realize what a university was, all I heard from my mother’s side of the family was about the University of Michigan and the great heritage it has. Many a Saturday afternoon my grandfather would devote to me, by sitting me down in front of the television and reminiscing about the University of Michigan while halftime occurred during a Michigan Wolverines football game. Later, as I grew older and universities took on greater meaning, my mother and uncle, both alumni of the University of Michigan took me to see their old stomping grounds. From first sight, the university looked frightening because of its size, but with such a large school comes diversity of people and of academic and non-academic events.

In Springfield High School, non-academic clubs such as the Future Physicians and the Pylon, both of which I have belonged to for two years, give me an opportunity to see both the business world and the medical world. These two clubs have given me a greater sense of what these careers may be like. In Future Physicians, I participated in field trips to children’s hospitals and also participated in two blood banks.

Currently I hold a job at Maas Brothers. This lets me interact with people outside my own immediate environment. I meet different kinds of people, in different moods, with different attitudes, and with different values. This teaches me to be patient with people, to have responsibility, and to appreciate people for what they are.

In the community I am active in my church Youth Group. As a high school sophomore, I was our church’s representative to the Diocesan Youth Fellowship. I helped organize youth group events, the largest being “The Bishop’s Ball”, a state-wide event for 300 young people. I also played high school junior varsity soccer for two years. As a senior I will be playing varsity soccer, but in the off-season. As a junior I coached a girls’ soccer team for the town. This gave me a great deal of responsibility, because the care of twenty-four girls was put into my custody. It felt very satisfying to pass on the knowledge of soccer to another generation. The girls played teams from other parts of Florida. Though their record was 3-8, the girls enjoyed their season. This is what I taught them was the greatest joy of soccer.

The past three years of my life have given me greater visions of my future. I see the University of Michigan as holding a large book with many unread chapters and myself as an eager child who has just learned to read. I intend to read a probe into all the chapters. The University of Michigan offers me more than the great reputation of this fine school, but a large student body with diverse likes and dislikes, and many activities, both academic and non-academic, to participate in. With the help of the University of Michigan, I will be successful after college and be able to make a name and place for myself in our society.

范文四点评：

1.  It follows a general essay organization, with an introduction, several body paragraphs about different activities, and a conclusion that returns to the earlier idea of Michigan’s diversity.
2.  It has no focus but rather jumps around from the school to the writer and from point to point.Notice especially the lack of transition from the first paragraph to the second:  how did we get from Michigan’s diversity to the writer’s clubs?
3.  The body paragraphs lack proof:  What are these clubs and jobs, what did he do in each one, how many field trips were taken, and what was his role?
4.  What’s Pylon?  What does he do at Maas Brothers?
5.  There are plenty of generalizations but no evidence to back up any of them.  How did these activities give him a greater sense of the career world?  “Participated” and “interact” are pretty vague words.  Compare the discussion of Maas Brothers with the hockey ref’s story
6.  There is very little specific knowledge of what the University of Michigan has to offer.
7.  The style is rather stuffy and awkward (“while halftime occurred”, “the care of twenty-four girls was put into my custody”).
8.  Most important, nearly everything described here appears elsewhere on  the application, under sports, jobs, extracurricular activities, and alumni connections.
9.  The writer would be well advised to focus on one of the things discussed in this essay.  Perhaps he could show the reader his work with the girls’ soccer team.  What he did to make Jennifer and Gretchen and Courtney enjoy soccer even though they only won three of their games would be more vivid than a lot of talk about passing things on to future generations.
10.  In short, the essay seems full of information and displays adequate form, but it lacks focus and proof.

范文五：

我在新加坡读了初中高中（same as many of 潜水校友们here），DIY , sat2170, 托112，被northwestern,uiuc录取，and cornell ED拒，comlumbia WL拒，还有N个排名靠前的大U直接拒了。结果我最后选择了英国的学校。

Tea, cool in nature, is a drink for those who act according to their beliefs, and possess virtues of humility.

- The Classic of Tea, Lu Yu (Sage of Tea, Tang Dynasty)
My father loves tea. He used to make it every morning. I, however, did not enjoy its rough bitterness. Neither had I been willing to ask him why he loved it so much: he had always seemed so distant from me.-

The shriveled tea leaves languished in the red porcelain pot; my father talked to me while performing his routine of tea making on that humid summer night at the dinner table. Time seemed to freeze at that moment. I ran into my room, slammed the door, hid myself in the quilt and cried bitterly. I was not able to understand how a father could decide to leave his daughter behind for three years to work in one of the most remote and impoverished villages in China. As a man of few words, my father left without an explanation a few days later. I comforted myself that my elusive father was just, once again, being elusive.

The dry tea leaves danced gracefully and blossomed like flowers as my father poured boiling water into the glass pot. Visitors from the village where my father had worked filled our house; they had come thousands of miles to express their gratitude to my father for transforming their village and lives. Clean water, electricity, roads. Harvest, sheep, corns. My father listened attentively, sipping the cup of tea in his hand every now and then. I sat aside, and saw white color in his hair through the rising mist of the tea. I took a cup of tea myself and savored. For the first time the tea was no longer bitter. Its smoothness touched my tongue; it traveled down, and left traces of rich, sweet fragrance in my mouth, delicate yet pure. The sweet flavor lingered. I finally understood my father’s love for tea. And like learning to appreciate tea, I finally learnt to read my father.

The aroma of the tea wafts quietly as I make myself a cup of tea every morning. It has been four years since I came over to study on my own in Singapore. Days passed and I learnt more, understood deeper and gained new insights. The great geographical distance did not stop my father's influence on me. I followed his path and embarked on a journey of improving the lives of those around me. The government of my hometown accepted my proposals to implement new measures to improve people’s lives. The free tuition project I organized benefited the less privileged children in the society. It is heartening to see people’s smiles and to realize that like my father, I can make a difference too.

The tea leaves in the cup sink down, forming piles of dark brown layers at the bottom. The water has turned brownish golden. It seems that I have become my father, whose life has been motivated by the responsibility for others; I believe this motivation will steer mine too.

这些范文的来处有吗？

谢谢,分享

文章都很不错，值得让孩子好好读读。

后面几篇的出处，楼主能提供么？

这些范文很值得一看，希望能多看一些，谢谢。

值得一看

不错