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2012-07-22

[作文展示] 05年小女生Jasmine 的英文写作记录

本帖最后由 lxq9918 于 2012-7-22 22:54 编辑

不管怎么样吧，打算从今天起把丫头的英文作文都记录到这个帖子里，本来暑期读书活动里有部分作文展示，但都是发的图片，不太方便，决心盖这个楼，一是为了鼓励她坚持写下去，二是记录她成长或者进步的点点滴滴。当妈妈的英语也不怎么样{:soso_e110:}，只能稍微帮助改点语法知识，语言表达是否地道，一概不知{:soso_e106:}。其他同学或者小朋友们，你们可以帮助修改，可以指出她的错误，顺便检查下你是否和她犯同样的错误，然后大家一起进步。{:soso_e163:}

这个版块的作文展示也比较少，我们就凑个数吧，目前都是写些小故事，深的她也不会写。

7月11日

The Naught(y) Baby
One dark night, a three-year-old girl was crying .Her plump short mother and her grumpy father were sleepy, but the little girl kept crying, then she cried more loudly , her father groaned :" Don't cry, or I'll sent(应改为send) you out of the door." But ,the little girl still kept crying.Her father said:" I can't stand it any more." And he really sent her out of the door!
The little girl cried more and more loudly, and she was frightened, so she stomped and stomped, and when she stomped, the light of the porch began to glow. So she was not frightened any more, and when the light was glowing , she began to shout:"Help,help,somebody help." Even though her mother and father sent her out of the door ,they still couldn't sleep.So they said:" All right ,I'll let you in." Then they really let her in!But after they let her in, they knew it was a mistake at once!Because the little girl began to cry again.

红色部分是我给改过的，有拼写错误, 表达只要大的语法错误没有，基本没动。

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参与人数 2	贝壳 +40	理由收起
Zada	+ 20	很给力!
zisedehuiyi1202	+ 20	我很喜欢！

11894 查看 106 收藏帖子 (12)

说说我的看法高级模式

全部评论

sally妈妈

2012-7-22 18:48:13 使用道具

这么大的孩子能用英语写非常不错了,像这年纪的孩子有些中文都写得还不流利叫.孩子是怎样学习的呢,能详细说说吗?特别是写的方面,是怎样练习的呢?

lxq9918

楼主 2012-7-22 18:59:18 使用道具

本帖最后由 lxq9918 于 2012-7-22 21:18 编辑

7月13日

                  The  Curious  Baby (part one )

One day, a three-year-old girl was playing with her mom. After a while, mom said:"I'm going to take a nap." Now the little girl was alone.
She looked around ,then she saw a pair of scissors on the desk. She was curious ,for she had never played (with) the scissors before . She picked up the scissors and began to cut the desk, but nothing happened,then she walked into the bedroom,and sighed:"Mom is still asleep." She went straight to the mosquito net. Snip!Snip!Snip! The little girl cut off a big piece of mosquito net. At that moment,she heard a knock on the door,quickly ,she put back the scissors and ran to open the door.Her father steped(改为：stepped)  into the room with a pair of new trousers in his hand and said with a yawn :" I'm tired ,I'll just sleep for a while." Then he put the trousers down on the sofa. Now she was curious again , she picked up the scissors again. Snip！Snip!Snip!She cut a big hole on her dad's new trousers. After that, she was sleepy,she put down the scissors and climbed into her little bed and fall (应改为 fell ) fast asleep.

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参与人数 1	贝壳 +20	理由收起
Zada	+ 20	我很喜欢！

lxq9918

楼主 2012-7-22 19:15:53 使用道具

本帖最后由 lxq9918 于 2012-8-3 16:27 编辑

7月16日

The Curious Girl (part two )

When the little girl woke up, she didn't see her dad. " He must go out again."she thought. Suddenly, the little girl heard her mum screaming:" Argh! What happend to the mosquito net . ” Then she added angrily:"Come here Biff." (Biff was the little girl's name.) The little girl walked inside with a shiver. Her mom pointed to the hole and asked :"Look at this, you did it, right ? " The little girl nodded,trembling. Just then, the door flew open with a Bump! Mum and the girl rushed outside. To their astonishment, it was dad! "What are you doing ?" Mom asked. " Ask her!” Dad shouted,then he pointed to the hole on the trousers and asked :" Is that you ? " The girl nodded with tears in her eyes, dad stroked her head and took her up, wiping away her tears. Then he said softly:" You can't play with the scissors, they are dangerous. Now,there is a hole on my trousers, I can't wear it." Mum said:" There is a hole on the mosquito net,too." Dad said to mum,sternly:"From now on,you have to put the scissors in a high place, so she can't touch it." Mum said:"You are right.” She put the scissors in a high place just like what the girl's dad said. After that,the girl never ever played with another scissors again.

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参与人数 2	贝壳 +40	理由收起
ellenvision	+ 20	我很喜欢！都是在爸爸妈妈睡觉时发生的，好.
Zada	+ 20	我很喜欢！

lxq9918

楼主 2012-7-22 19:20:07 使用道具

本帖最后由 lxq9918 于 2012-8-5 10:10 编辑

7月20日

                                       The Little Mermaid

Once upon a time , there lived a poor fisherman,every day , he went out to catch some fish and sold  them . One day ,the fisherman caught a pink fish, he had never seen so(应改为 such a ） beautiful fish like this ,so the man carefully took the fish home and put it in a jar of water .
   The next morning ,the man went out again as usual . But when he got home  in the evening , he smelled something tasty . On the table was lots of dilicious  food. The fisherman was hungry ,and the food smelled good , so he grabbed some meat and began to eat . The very next day ,the same thing happened again . That night , the fisherman decided to find out . The next morning , he woke up early and hided behind the door ,he waited for a moment ,then he saw the pink fish in the jar changed into a beautiful girl . The fisherman came out from his hiding place and asked :" who are you ?" " I'm the dragon king's youngest daughter , because you didn't sell me ,so I will stay here and take good care of you ."  The fisherman said :" Brilliant! But will you marry me ?"  he knelt down（我加上去的） on one knee. The girl said :" oh ,yes !”  The girl and the fisherman lived happily together and they had three children .

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参与人数 1	贝壳 +20	理由收起
Zada	+ 20	我很喜欢！

lxq9918

楼主 2012-7-22 19:27:14 使用道具

本帖最后由 lxq9918 于 2012-7-22 19:28 编辑

sally妈妈发表于 2012-7-22 18:48
这么大的孩子能用英语写非常不错了,像这年纪的孩子有些中文都写得还不流利叫.孩子是怎样学习的呢,能详细说 ...

我们语文作文还没写过。英语作文也没有专门训练，写英文主要是为了让她记住单词，能锻炼下写作更好哈。最开始写时，是默写一些背过的课文，很多单词写错。但是写几遍后，很多单词她自己都知道根据单词的发音规则来写了。她最开始写作文时，都是乱写的，没有情节，后来我给她讲了些她自己的故事，鼓励她写出来，最近找了以前看的拼音书，她自己找出故事，写成英文。同时，她写错的，我有时会给她讲下语法。

Belinda

2012-7-22 19:28:10 使用道具

很不错啊。

saran

2012-7-22 20:07:03 使用道具

very good stories

kathyqiqi323

2012-7-22 20:24:17 使用道具

请问楼主你家女儿是什么时候开始写作的呢？学过phonics？已经有拼读基础了？还有一开始是不是要训练写单词的？怎么训练啊。

lxq9918

楼主 2012-7-22 20:56:25 使用道具

本帖最后由 lxq9918 于 2012-8-2 19:28 编辑

kathyqiqi323 发表于 2012-7-22 20:24
请问楼主你家女儿是什么时候开始写作的呢？学过phonics？已经有拼读基础了？还有一开始是不是要训练写单词的 ...

我们从学英语开始，就没有记过单词，我目前也不知道的什么是PHONICS, 惭愧哈。我接触爸妈网比较晚。不过我猜想PHONICS就是发音规则吧，我们从学英语1个多月后，我就根据学过的动画片，整理了字母和字母组合的发音，晚上经常带她读，还自己出单词考她，要求她写出字母或者字母组合的音标。
大概学了6个多月就开始写了吧，最开始是默写一篇我们背诵过的动画绘本视频《狼婆婆》，这个默写，前前后后加起来大概2遍完整的，因为故事比较长，都是分批次完成的。因为这次默写，她掌握了很多单词的写法。后来就鼓励她写小故事。因为她也能复述我们学过的一些动画片，所以，就这样开始了，最开始都是写些很简单的，甚至几个句子，故事也没有情节，都是编写什么公主的。不过我和她爸爸都鼓励她，大大夸奖她，就这样慢慢写了。
其实孩子能复述英文故事或动画片，都可以写小短文了，并不是特别难。难的是，我们当父母的，没有能力帮孩子改正吧，比如我，英语也不好，孩子语言描写是否地道，我是一概不知。

kathyqiqi323

2012-7-22 21:59:58 使用道具

本帖最后由 kathyqiqi323 于 2012-7-22 22:02 编辑

6岁11个月就一年级上完啦？那这么说去年9月还不到6周岁呢哦，属于早上学的。
我家2个闺女也开始的迟。不过我们还没上小学呢。9月份上小学的时候也6周岁6个月了。我们也没开始多久。更多的是关注听说问题，对写，我想可能是水到渠成的事情吧。只要孩子喜欢写的时候，就好开始写了吧。
真佩服楼主的女儿。领悟力一定很好吧。学了6个月就可以写了。我们得加油了啊。
楼主女儿学音标呀？对小孩子来说有难度吧。还有，我女儿对字母没怎么写，单词里字母怎么写都没一点概念的。写的单词是超级难看的。难道要开始训练在格子里写字母和单词么。

lxq9918

楼主 2012-7-22 22:19:04 使用道具

本帖最后由 lxq9918 于 2012-7-22 22:20 编辑

重复了，我重新编辑

lxq9918

楼主 2012-7-22 22:19:35 使用道具

本帖最后由 lxq9918 于 2012-7-22 22:21 编辑

kathyqiqi323 发表于 2012-7-22 21:59
6岁11个月就一年级上完啦？那这么说去年9月还不到6周岁呢哦，属于早上学的。
我家2个闺女也开始的迟。不过 ...

丫头是快开学前十几天，刚好满6岁，所以能上一年级，赶得比较巧哈。我也觉得开始多关注听说比较好。等有了一定的基础，写也是水到渠成的事了。我们最开始学的《big muzzy 》，里面有教字母的，我也就是从那时开始要求丫头写26个字母的，并没有要求用本子写，都是在她的写字板上画的。那时只要求她认识字母，基本能写就可以了，后面 big muzzy 上到其他的内容后，就没再写字母了，也没写单词，只是要求会把部分单词里的字母或者字母组合的音标标出来。我觉得音标不难吧？多练练就可以了。这个动画片，我们学了2个多月吧，后来学完了就学其他动画片了，也没再要求写了。就是有时那些字母和字母组合的发音还复习下。一般规则的单词都能拼出来。真正的写也是在学了英语6个多月后吧。

aneyshine

2012-7-22 22:21:40 使用道具

太厉害了，我们中文都写不了这么多。

kathyqiqi323

2012-7-22 23:10:20 使用道具

big muzzy我们也学的，我觉得句型挺多，反复的也多，挺好的，就让女儿跟着复读机念。不过不是坚持念，想起来才念，现在念叨part8。每个part都是反复念的。有时候感觉小孩子念熟了都会背了，可以一边画画一边跟着背，但是貌似用处有多少，也不一定哦，像where ,what,when,why,who，给她放在其他文章里，不一定认得的。
写的问题我觉得是水到渠成的，重要的还是她要自己喜欢写，就写的又好又快。目前我女儿还没有大量熟悉英文的敏感。慢慢来吧。先积累素材。

chenxiaohan2005

2012-7-23 11:55:28 使用道具

真厉害啊。。。。

lxq9918

楼主 2012-7-23 16:05:45 使用道具

本帖最后由 lxq9918 于 2012-8-3 16:28 编辑

7月23

故事题材选自《天天都有好故事》里的《狮子吃蜂蜜》。段落是我给分的。下次应该注意分段了。
错误的地方用红色标出来：

                              The Lion and Honey
Once upon a time, in a dark（要求她加个形容词，她给加的，还加了个misty, 我不知道是否确切） forest, there lived a mean ,lazy lion.Every animal in the forest were  afraid of him. One day,he ate mother goat's little goat ， Mother goat  very sad, she sit under an oak tree and began to cry.
The animals in the forest all came to comfort her.  Mr. pig said angrily :" This time he's gone too far,we have to do something!” All the animals were in silence.
Suddenly, Mr. monkey said:" I have a good idea.”
“What is it ? Tell us."The animals said together.
   "You will see. Now you all go to find some honey."
   And the animals went to find (应改为 look for )  honey and gave it to the monkey.
The next day, Mr. monkey went to gave the lion the honey.When he got there, he said politely:" I have something for you ,your majesty." Then he showed the lion the honey and said :"It's very tasty,eat it ."
The lion gave the honey a big lick.（这句是我引导的，怎么表达，她自己参考了usborne 出版社合集中的一个故事）
   "Good!"  said the lion,and he ate it up quickly.
   "From now on ,you must send it to me every day." The lion said(建议改为ordered )  .
   Mr. monkey said :"Yes, I will."
   Then the monkey sent it every day.
   One day, the lion was eating the honey, his teeth snapped, the monkey saw it and shouted happily :" The lion's teeth fell off ！” All the animals ran to the lion with a sharp stick, they beat the lion with the stick untill  he died.

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参与人数 1	贝壳 +20	理由收起
Zada	+ 20	我很喜欢！

sarine

2012-7-23 16:07:19 使用道具

提示: 作者被禁止或删除内容自动屏蔽

estelle_369

2012-7-23 16:36:46 使用道具

真是佩服得五体投地！

Serena

2012-7-24 10:37:14 使用道具

那么小的孩子能写那么长了，佩服

来来妈妈

2012-7-24 10:51:54 使用道具

写的真好！我儿子能把这作文读出来都不错了

简单而快乐

2012-7-24 11:44:25 使用道具

怎么看都觉得别人家的孩子真心利害！

Janewang616

2012-7-24 11:46:21 使用道具

05年的小朋友就写的这么棒！{:soso_e179:}

丹麦吐司

2012-7-24 15:09:19 使用道具

你家小朋友真棒，能这样写，拼读已经完全没有问题了{:soso_e163:}

贝贝熊

2012-7-24 16:30:35 使用道具

这位妈妈有博客吗？我太佩服你了，这孩子牛的不行

lxq9918

楼主 2012-7-25 15:31:48 使用道具

本帖最后由 lxq9918 于 2012-8-14 16:24 编辑

7月25日
故事题材选自《天天都有好故事》中的《司马光》
昨晚写的，写作之前，告诉她多对细节进行描写，又和她一起描绘了当时发生的情景，以及司马光砸缸的时候，是怎么砸的。
写完之后，发现语法错误也比较多，尤其是时态问题，一会过去式，一会一般现在时。贴出来的都是我引导她进行改正了的(主要针对语法），错误之处用红色标示出来。
拼写并不熟练，像是找感觉，感觉对了就写对了，所以还是得多练习。部分语法，尤其时态，应该强化下。

                                          The Clever Boy
Long ago, in a small village in China, there lived a very clever boy named Sima guang.
One day, he and his friends playing hide and seek（这里没有连写）in the garden. Sima guang was "it". One boy named Xiao liu climbed up a tree and hid on a branch, which was just above a big vat filled with water(这句进行了引导，她自己之前并没有交代树枝和大缸的位置关系）
   Sima guang found  all the other children except Xiao liu. He looked and looked , but he couldn't find him everywhere.
Suddenly, he heard a crack from above, so he looked up and saw Xiao liu siting on a branch, which was almost fell off from the tree. Sima guang shouted:"Watch out !"
In that instant, the branch broke.
Splash!Splash！
Xiao liu fell straight into the vat with the branch.
"Help!Help!Somebody help!" Shouted Xiao liu.
   All the other children ran to the vat and gathered around it, trembling with fear (似乎她很喜欢用这个表达）。But （我给加上去的） they noticed that the vat was taller than them (有时从没教过的句型，不知她是怎么掌握的）。
" I'm scared." A little girl cried.
"I'm going to call for big person." a boy said. With that , he quikly ran away.
Sima guang thought quickly ，he looked around and saw a big stone beside the vat, so he has an idea. He picked up the stone , then lifted it up and banged on （我给加上去的）the vat with all his strength （我引导的）。
   Crash!
   The vat popped .
   The water in the vat rushed outside (我觉得改为out吧 ), and Xiao liu climbed out of the hole of the vat . "Thanks for saving my life." He said.
"I'm glad I could help." said Sima guang.

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参与人数 1	贝壳 +20	理由收起
Zada	+ 20	我很喜欢！

jocelyn

2012-7-26 08:59:04 使用道具

这小妞必定看了很多原版的书，才能写得出，哈哈

lxq9918

楼主 2012-7-26 13:06:24 使用道具

本帖最后由 lxq9918 于 2012-8-14 16:25 编辑

7月26日

故事题材选自《天天都有好故事》里的《大象和蚊子》：
故事比较短，没有引导。作文也很短。这次居然出现了以前从来没有出现的一些错误，比如她写的 let we ，我一大声读出来，她立即说是 let us 。这些涉及到语法也有语感的问题吧。
The Elephant and The Mosquitos
Once upon a time, in a large village, there lived a happy elephant. He helped the villagers doing many things , so they were love him.
One day, some mosquitos saw him with lots of sweat on his body, so they flew to him and said:"We are very hungry, please let we drink some of your sweat." The elephant agreed.
The next day, the mosquitos called for more of their friends, and they all began to sting the elephant. The elephant said:"That's too tickles, I can't work."
But the mosquitos kept going, and the elephant was furious . Suddenly , he saw a deep river beside him. Then he had an idea. He moved slowly to the river.
Splash!
The elephant jumped into the water, and rolled over quickly. All the mosquitos got wet, and they couldn't fly up. At last, they all died.
The elephant said angrily:" I'll never ever help another mosquitos!" And he did.

linlinmama

2012-7-26 17:21:07 使用道具

天，学英语6个月就能写成这样了，让我这学了10年也不见得写的出来的人汗颜啊

lxq9918

楼主 2012-7-26 19:55:02 使用道具

本帖最后由 lxq9918 于 2012-8-2 19:27 编辑

linlinmama 发表于 2012-7-26 17:21
天，学英语6个月就能写成这样了，让我这学了10年也不见得写的出来的人汗颜啊

6个月开始默写，别误会。英语故事能复述一般就能开始写小短文了，其实没想象的难

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