[其他] 我们的中英文写作分享小组

本帖最后由 碧云金毛 于 2013-8-13 00:38 编辑

以下有Max手写，爸爸打字：

本帖最后由 洋洋妈 于 2013-8-13 10:27 编辑

现在宣布我们的双语写作小组正式成立，成员有杨杨，Bob，Max，Sophia, yuan yuan。（拍手、欢呼、放烟火。）
第一周就先由9岁的杨杨提出英语写作要求，之后就按Max爸爸的建议，由这4位8岁的小朋友按名字字母顺序（同上）轮流出中英文写作题目。我们正好有5个人，所以每个人都会轮到两次做leader，而且正好提出一个中文、一个英文的写作要求，quite fair.
大家还有什么好的建议、想法，请畅所欲言。

很好的主意！

本帖最后由 ldshs 于 2013-8-13 15:15 编辑

Sophia5岁才启蒙英文，6岁多正式亲子英文，中文强势，马上要3年级了，学校里也要开始着重中文写作了，暑假重点放在英文阅读，因为Sophia喜欢看我写帖子，所以想通过这个形式把她中英文的兴趣全调动起来，以下是她手写，我打出来部分，啰嗦的地方我也去掉点{:soso_e120:}她喜欢写JBJ体的

{:soso_e114:}我是bob，我也来评一下，我觉得你写得很好，我也要学一学。

我将他们的个人介绍汇总进我的个人日记，方便查看。连接在这：

http://www.ebama.net/home.php?mo ... ard=1&id=200790

本帖最后由 洋洋妈 于 2013-8-16 21:06 编辑

Topic 1:  Make up your own fantasy story. (自编一个奇幻故事)
Reason for the topic：I like to write a fantasy story, because you can just use your imagination and do whatever you cannot do in the real world.
From Yangyang


杨杨妈补充
What is a fantasy story?
Fantasy is fiction or a \"made up\" story that has non-realistic elements . Characters may have a magical or supernatural power that allows fantastic things to happen, such as witches, wizards, fairies, superheroes, mythical creatures and talking animals.
杨杨想请小朋友们尽情发挥想象力，任意编写一个奇幻故事，就像我们平时看的童话故事，神话故事，科幻故事，还有好多动画片。这些故事不是真实发生的，里面的人物可能会有魔法或超能力，比如仙女、魔法师、超级英雄、会说话的动物、小精灵等等。

请小朋友们在下周五8月23日前把你们的小故事贴上来和大家分享，有任何不太清楚的地方请提出来，谢谢大家。
I cannot wait to read your stories.

很好的活动，可是我们今年刚要上二年级，不符合条件呢，先来学习

很好的活动形式，我们家的英文还没开始写呢，先围观了。。。

以前女儿写过一篇作文, 是写她是个太空人, 描写一个星空旅程. 我把作文里一些过于无趣部分删掉, 只贴旅程遭遇

Being an astronaut is a really difficult job, you must go into the space and back to the earth. It’s a long journey.
Now, I am a good astronaut, so I’m going to tell you about my journey to Mars. Five, Four, Three, Two, One….Launch! Whoooooooosh! The rocket flew into the sky. After 15 minutes, I saw space. It was so amazing and the stars were shining and sparkling. When I looked at the earth from space, it was very blue as a big sapphire. It was shining too.

After three hours, my stomach rumbled.  I squeezed the gloopy foods into my mouth. Yuck! The taste was bad but it’s fun, just like baby food.

We arrived the Mars, we then put on the spacesuit because there is no air in space and it is very cold unless the sun shines on you, but you will get burnt by the sun. That is why we need a spacesuit to protect us from cold and heat. Although it is so heavy, it looks cool. On Mars, I met some Martians. I took some Martian’s DNA back on earth to investigate their secrets. And we found something special on Mars. I found some new dinosaurs there. They are strong and friendly. They invited me to have a party. We sang and danced with Martians. The party was fun. The party was over and my trip was over too. Then we back to earth.

Exploring on Mars is a small step for me but a giant leap for mankind.

Something that I like or I can learn from
I really like the idea of a journey to the outerspace. My favourite part is having a party with dinosaurs and Martians.{:soso_e113:}

Something that I think can be improved or corrected
\"We arrivied the Mars \"-- We arrived at Mars or We landed on Mars.{:soso_e112:}

---Yangyang

儿子写完了！真是惨不忍睹的作文，所以让老师改了一下！
很诚实的先贴上儿子自己写的！很有“特色”的作文！

The flying frogs
One day in middle of night, the frogs fly out of the stream, the lake and the river. Frogs fly to the city, almost all the people was asleep, just two people were awake, one was ate bread, another was shit, they all surprised.
Then the frogs fly in to a farm, the farmer was amaze, because he never saw frogs was fly.
At last, all the frogs go back to the place where they lived.

再贴一个老师修改后的！（改的面目全非啊！！）

英语作文起步中，期待能给予有效的指导方法！

本帖最后由 洋洋妈 于 2013-9-4 20:29 编辑

杨杨的作文

Once there was a mighty king who was the conqueror of all the north, south, east and west of the land. He had a magnificent palace and lived a luxury life. One day the king’s brainy nobleman invented a time machine. The king was very excited and decided to see what would happen in the future.

He travelled to Year 2222 by walking into a portal. He was amazed by the modern city in front of him. He saw many skyscrapers rising high up to the sky. Robot workers were busy working. And people travelled by flying buses and hover boards in the sky. But there was one problem. He couldn’t see a single tree and the air smelt so badly. He could hardly breathe. People had to pay a lot of money for fresh air with more oxygen and less carbon dioxide. The king felt sorry for the people and wanted to help them. How lucky. He happened to have a pinecone seed in his pocket which he picked up when he had a walk in the forest. So he gave it to the mayor of the city and said “Please take care of the seed. It is your only chance for free fresh air.”

Then he time travelled back. He told all the people in his kingdom to take care of the environment and live a simple life starting from himself. So their beloved home can be a kingdom of garden instead of a badly smelt rubbish yard.

本帖最后由 碧云金毛 于 2013-8-20 10:24 编辑

Selects topics and writes for extended time                       
Stays on topic                       
Uses specific details and support                       
Uses sentence variety                       
Organizes ideas before writing                       
Uses complete sentences                       
Uses capitalization correctly                       
Uses punctuation correctly                       
Spells WORD WALL WORDS correctly                       
Uses instructed rules of usage and grammar correctly       

陪陪妈妈，我们孩子的文章，可以从以上几个方面去看，做到了就是好文章。
另外，洋洋的用字的正确性和多样性比我们国内的孩子好很多，这个我们只能增加阅读来体会和认识，从而提高使用语言的能力。       

感谢很有针对的指导！

本帖最后由 yy\'mom 于 2013-8-20 12:22 编辑

                     Pink spearkle Rose

Once there was a princess. She was beautiful as a flower. One day

a prince came and asked the king:\" Please, could your daugter marry me\".

but the princess said:\" No.\" Because the princess doesn\'t like the prince.

then the king whispered to the prince\'s  ear :\" If you can find a pink sparkle rose,

the princess may be in love.\"

   Then the prince searched many high and low mountains.

when he came to the forest he met a big snake. It slithers out and siad :

\" I want...ss.. to eat...sss...you ...sss!\" The prince answered:

\" I\'m not afarid of you. I have a sword.\"

Then they started to fight. And then the prince hit a super hit.

The last,the snake was defeat.

   After a while, the prince saw a rose that was real pink sparkle rose. He was willing to

picked the rose up and took it to the king castle. When the priincess had known the prince

got the rose for her she was in love with the prince soon. After that, the elegant princess

and brave prince had married and lived happy forever.
      
                                       By yuanyuan
                                            2013.8.20.



     

我知道了，我会用的。

本帖最后由 洋洋妈 于 2013-8-21 10:21 编辑

I like your idea of the flying frogs. It made me laugh.  There are some errors that I fixed for you in the following.

Some frogs lived in a small stream. They really wished that they could fly and see the wide world. A fairy heard their wish and made it come true.

One day in the middle of the night, the frogs flew out of the stream, over the lake and over the river. They flew to the city. Almost all the people were asleep, just two persons were awake.  One was eating bread, the other was in the washroom. They were both surprised.
Then the frogs flew to a farm, the farmer was amazed because he never saw frogs fly.
At last, all the frogs flew back to the place where they lived and really enjoyed their flight.-----Yangyang and 杨杨妈

另外我觉得需要指出的是，“shit“并不是proper language，即便在口语中也是不便轻易使用的，更不要说书面语言。

实际上，在英国对toilet的使用也是有争议的，有些人认为更加proper的是washroom，但更多的人认为这种说法太”装“。但这一点我记得是从一个收音机里的节目听来的，不是很确定。

這說法我贊同。

本帖最后由 ldshs 于 2013-8-23 16:14 编辑

我们开学3年级，看了楼上的帖子，感觉娃们太强了，不知道我们这种低水平的能不能参加呢？

这个星期的写作任务，大家都已经很好地完成了。每个孩子的故事都很好，各有特色。因为孩子们有不同的学习生活环境，不同的个性爱好，中英文水平的发展也不平衡，所以每次的文章，从水平上，我们只要自己跟自己比，只要孩子有认真地去尽力完成这个主题，表达出了自己内心的想法，就是在进步，就需要我们的热情鼓励。

其实从写作的角度来说，中英文的技巧和方法都是相似的，比如就像教作文的非常老师说的“六根六尘”法，这边英文写作，老师也是教five senses and feeling, 都是通过眼看、耳听、鼻嗅、口尝、感触、心想这些方面具体、生动地描述事物。还有文章结构要完整，详略得当等。区别只不过是你中文和英文的词汇是不是丰富，用法是不是地道。而这种积累，主要还是要通过阅读，来慢慢积累，用心体会，这个过程急不得，只能一步步踏实地走。

这个周末，请Bob小朋友，贴出中文的写作要求，期待着大家的中文小文章呀。

本帖最后由 培培妈妈2005 于 2013-8-24 08:49 编辑

bob这次给大家的中文作文为：Make you summer vacation\\\\\\\'s story(写一个在暑假里的趣事）
                                               write down what do you do on your vacation.
补充：
这次是中文作文，可以写暑假里你觉得有趣的事，当然如果你暑假出去旅游了，或是收获到了什么也可以写哦！
规则和上个星期一样，周五前大家上传！
期待大家的优秀的作品！加油吧！{:soso_e100:}

本帖最后由 洋洋妈 于 2013-8-25 07:44 编辑

杨杨的作文---爬长城。（郑重声明一下，这是杨杨在电脑上拼音打字打出来的文章，汉字太多不会写了。而且已经过我的提示和修改了，打了括号的词、句都是我告诉他可以这样使用、描写的，原文长度顶多为现在这篇文章长度的一半。我有问他，长城是做什么用的，站在长城上看到了什么，想到了什么，他才补充了这些内容。)


爬长城

今年暑假，我和爸爸妈妈去中国旅游并看望姥爷、姥姥。我们去了北京、大连、广州还有天津四个城市。

我最喜欢的事情是在北京爬长城。长城是古代人们建在群山中的很长很长的城墙，是用来(防御)敌人进攻的。

长城的石阶又高又陡，所以我们得扶着铁栏杆，还得(手脚并用)往上爬。（我站在城墙上远眺，长城就像一条长长的巨龙蜿蜒盘旋在连绵起伏的群山中。）我好不容易爬到顶的时候很高兴，因为我终于爬上来了，我现在是个”好汉”了。站在长城上，我往下看的时候心想，古代没有吊车、挖土车，人们在(崇山峻岭)中建造了这么长这么雄伟的长城，真了不起。

我希望你们也能来中国北京爬长城。

Max的中文还不行，没有到自己打字的地步，他口述我打字，难免稍加润色：

这个夏天我们全家一起去了令人向往的马尔代夫，在我们去的那座岛上有很多好玩的活动，我最喜欢的是浮潜。我在浮潜的时候看到了很多美丽的鱼，最漂亮的是一条有灰绿粉色条纹的鱼。那天，当我浮潜了一段时间以后，我的信心越来越足了，然后我就脱掉了救生衣，这样我就可以潜的更深了，但我却不小心碰到了一个看上去很刺人的珊瑚，还好我带了手套，才没有受伤。但糟糕的是，我不小心喝了一大口海水，真的好咸啊！在返回岛上的途中，我自己还开了一段快艇，真是令我又紧张又兴奋。

在岛上另外一个有趣的地方是儿童俱乐部，我几乎每天都去那里玩，和其他小朋友们在一起打牌，喂鲨鱼，捡贝壳，做沙子城堡，画画，和打水仗，每天都有不同的活动。听上去是不是很好玩哪？

在回上海的路上，我们在新加坡停留了一段时间，其间我们全家一起去了环球影城。上一次去环球影城的时候我还小，所以很多项目都没敢玩。但这一次，妈妈陪着我玩遍了几乎所有的过山车，好爽啊！

这个暑假我玩的非常开心！

这个活动真好！赞一下